I want to live near the ocean. I want Phoenix to grow up near the beach.
I know the ocean is only an hour or so away. I could take a bus, but I’d rather drive. I feel a pang of regret as I think about the car I had abandoned a few days after I’d left Devil’s Peak.
I’d only been thinking about covering up my footprints, and I knew that Artem had the license plate number.
What I should have done was find a shady dealership somewhere and sell the car. They would have stripped it for parts and I might have gotten a few hundred bucks from the sale.
Instead I’d walked away with nothing, and I’d regretted the decision ever since.
I think about the ways I might go about getting another car. The choice I’m left with twists in my stomach like a knife.
There’s only one way to get yourself a car at this point.
I left that life behind for a reason.
It doesn’t happen all at once. This is about survival.
It would be theft. That’s a crime.
Life is not black or white. It’s grey. It always has been.
Artem said something similar to me what felt like eons ago. I try to sort through the internal dialogue waging in my head, but it just makes me hurt all over.
I need sleep. One night of sleep and I’ll decide tomorrow.
Phoenix turns a little, trying to stretch his little hands. I leave the dining area and head back to my assigned bunk. When I approach the bed, I noticed that one of my duffel straps is peeking out from underneath the bed.
I frown and pull it out. It definitely looks like it’s been tampered with. I pull the zip open and look through the contents.
Most of Phoenix’s stuff is still there, and so is my supply of diapers, but a few of my clothes are missing. I had a beige sweater I loved that’s now gone, and a long-sleeved black shirt that is definitely not here anymore.
“Fuck.”
“Left your shit unchecked huh?” Tonya’s voice comes from just behind me. “Rookie mistake.”
“They stole my clothes,” I say in disbelief.
“You had some fancy shit in there. That black sweater was nice.”
I turn and glare at her. “You took my clothes?”
She glares right back at me. “I’m no fucking thief,” she bites back. “A few of the other bitches stormed through here and went through your shit when you left with the brat.”
“Why didn’t you stop them?” I demand.
She raises her eyebrows at me. “You fucking serious?” she asks. “Those bitches would have skinned me alive. And you’re no one to me. It’s every woman for herself in here.”
I shudder, realizing how entitled I must sound to her. “Sorry,” I murmur. “You’re right.”
“At least they left all the baby’s shit,” Tonya tells me. “That was pretty kind.”
“Right. Yeah. Kind.”
“Did you have money in there?” Tonya asks.
“No.”
“Good, so you’re not that fucking stupid.”