The way she speaks, the way she looks me right in the eye without blinking, is deeply unsettling. I don’t want to be judgmental, but the slightly manic glint in her eyes makes me take a step back.
But at least it’s not outright hostile.
Though that’s really splitting hairs.
“That’s okay,” I say as politely as I can. “I need to feed him anyway.”
Her face drops immediately. I feel a chill snake through my body as she turns away and stomps out of the room with aggressive steps.
Tonya smirks and shakes her head. “You better watch out for that one,” she tells me. “She gets real mean after she’s shot up.”
“She was high?” I ask.
“Nah, that was just her in a good mood.”
Emotion is churning inside me like a volcano waiting to blow. My immediate instinct is to get as far from this place as possible.
But where would I go? What would I do? Who would I seek?
Artem would have answers.
You should be here with me.
I need you.
Our son needs you.
My pride tries to bury the need, but my resilience is fading fast. It has been months of lone survival. All that time is starting to take a toll on my resolve to strike out on my own.
Why did I think I could do this?
I lived a sheltered life. Everything was done for me. I had always believed I was strong.
But maybe I’m nearly strong enough.
“Jesus, are you gonna start crying?”
I blink hard. Tonya comes back into focus. I shudder and try to pull myself together as I move towards the bunk’s ladder.
“How old is the brat anyway?” Tonya asks. Her initial anger has softened somewhat, although she still isn’t exactly what I’d call “friendly.”
I glance at her, shocked that she’s actually trying to make conversation. “Um… a day,” I reply with a joyless chuckle. “And a half.”
“Fuck,” she says, her eyes going wide. “Seriously?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “His name is Phoenix.”
She rolls her eyes. “You couldn’t have come up with anything better?”
She looks so cartoonishly annoyed that I can’t help but smile. “Look at him and tell me I was wrong,” I challenge her.
She eyes the bundle strapped to my chest but she doesn’t make an attempt to come closer. “I can see that pink cheek from here,” she says dismissively. “Looks more like a fat little cardinal.”
I look away from her and attempt to climb up onto the bunk so that I can feed Phoenix. I get up on the first rung just fine, but then it becomes hard to hoist myself onto the second.
I pant for a moment, deciding to take it slow when I hear Tonya cursing violently behind me.
“Fucking hell,” she says. “Are you gonna make this much noise every time you climb up there?”