She blinked. “Well, I wouldn’t have worded it that coldly.”
“It’s not cold. It’s fair. Just the same, I have no intention of being second best for you.”
“It’s a little different with me. I never met my mate. You did. You spent a lot of years with her. You made plans with her, envisioned a life with her, and no doubt had deep feelings for her. I don’t want to be a substitute. It sounds bitchy and selfish, and I hate that. But I know myself, Jesse. I know that I would grow to resent being a stand-in—that resentment would twist me inside, and then I’d make us both miserable.”
Maybe she’d have a point if she and Torrie were anything alike, but they weren’t. “You’re not selfish. Bitchy, yeah, but I kind of like that.” So did his wolf. “There’s something you’re not considering. Her death changed me; I’m not the person I would have been if she’d lived. And the person I am now . . . I wouldn’t have suited her. I would have hurt her.”
“What do you mean?”
He clamped his hands around Harley’s hips. “She didn’t have the type of personality that could withstand the person I am today. Not because she was a submissive wolf.” Although submissives were physically weaker than dominants, they could be mentally stronger and braver—his Alpha female was a perfect example of that. But Torrie had been nothing like Shaya, who pushed back when her mate became too forceful. “Torrie was very passive and hated confrontation so much that she always backed down. She could never have dealt with this version of me.”
“Jesse . . . I get what you’re saying, but the inescapable fact is that fate paired you with a submissive female because, deep inside, it’s what you need. Submissives are built for the kind of relationship you want where one leads and the other follows. Dominants feels challenged by those types of relationships. We’d drive each other insane.”
He traced her hip bones with this thumbs. “I like control in a relationship, I admit that, but not the kind of control that means my female isn’t my equal. I want and need a female who’ll stand up and fight, demand to be considered and call me on my bullshit. That’s you, baby. So stop overthinking this and do what you should have done three years ago.”
“What’s that?”
“Admit that you belong to me.”
Harley swallowed. “Do you have any idea what you’re asking of me?”
“I do. I’m asking you to forsake your true mate. I’m asking you to step back into a world that let you down. I’m asking you to give me every part of you. And I’m asking you to accept every part of me—a lot of those parts are dark and broken.” When he said it aloud, he realized just what a shit deal she was getting.
“We all have parts that are dark and broken.”
He knew she was not only comforting him; she was warning him. He didn’t give a fuck how many dark or broken parts she had—he wanted her as she was.
“I can’t promise you I’ll be happy in a pack, Jesse. They’re a lot like prides and—”
“Yours wasn’t anything like a real pride, so how can you know that you won’t be happy here when it’s something you’ve never been part of before?”
She couldn’t deny that he made a good point. Hell, her “pride” hadn’t even had territory to call its own. There was an Alpha and a Beta but no enforcers. She sighed. “I need time to think.”
Think? He did not like the sound of that. “No thinking.”
“Jesse—”
“You’ve had three years to think. Plenty of time to come to terms with what I want from you.” He couldn’t, wouldn’t, wait any longer.
She growled, exasperated. He was too damn pushy—always forging ahead because he was so secure in his convictions. It didn’t bother her cat as much as it did Harley; the margay admired his perseverance and was drawn to his strength. She viewed him as a good potential mate—one she cared for.
“Jesse, feeling possessive and sexually attracted to me isn’t a reason to mate with me, and it’s definitely not a reason for me to accept you as a mate.”
“You know this is more than that,” he rumbled. “You’re more important to me than anything. Anything. I care about you. And I know you care for me, Harley, or you’d have walked away from this conversation long ago. Admit it, if you didn’t want to be here, you’d have slit my throat while I slept. In fact, no, you’d have done it while I was awake. But you didn’t, just like you didn’t object to staying in this lodge with me. You want to be right where you are.”
“Part of me does,” she admitted, because honesty deserved honesty.
“What about the other part?”
Even though he’d claimed to care for her . . . “It’s worried that you can’t be happy in a relationship with a female who won’t follow your lead.” He hadn’t said he loved her, but she didn’t put a lot of stock in that word. Her father used it all the time.
Jesse combed his fingers through her hair. “Baby, I like that you have your own mind. I like that you’re strong, smart, and willful. All I want is to make you feel safe, take care of you, and be your strength when you need it. Is that so bad?”
Something inside her melted. Her cat, a lover of indulgence, liked the idea of him caring for her when she needed it. “No, it’s not bad. But I’ll still buck every time you try to take over.”