“It’s for the best that she sticks to the guest lodge,” said Kathy, refilling Zander’s glass. “Something wrong with your food?” She glanced at Bracken and Jesse. “You two haven’t eaten much either.”
Scratching the back of his neck, Bracken admitted, “We might have binged on beef and cookies before we got here.”
“Ally makes these giant chocolate chip cookies and, good God, they almost brought tears to my eyes.” Jesse’s groan was close to orgasmic.
Zander nodded slowly, smiling almost dreamily. “They were really good.”
“The beef was cooked to perfection,” proclaimed Bracken, a faraway look in his eyes.
“So she’s handy in the kitchen, is she?” asked Kathy sharply.
Wide-eyed, Bracken spluttered. “Of course she’s not as good as you.” Kathy just huffed. The moment the woman had turned around, he mouthed, “Ally’s cooking is way better.”
“I heard that, Bracken!”
He gaped at Kathy’s back. “I didn’t say anything!”
Eli chuckled. “Mom has eyes in the front, back, and sides of her head.”
Shaya looked at Nick, who was feeding Willow some kind of disgusting mush that she shockingly appeared to be enjoying. “Don’t you care that your attitude put Ally in pain?”
Nick glanced at her sideways. “I didn’t know it would hurt her, but I can’t help how I feel.”
“She healed our daughter. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“Yeah, it does. And I’m grateful, Shay. But one little deed isn’t going to change how I feel about Seers.”
Leaving the Alpha pair to dispute the matter while the rest of the pack offered their opinions here and there, Derren finished his meal and headed for Ally’s lodge. Just to check on her, he told himself. It had nothing to do with the fact that his wolf was hounding him to go to her. Nothing to do with the fact that Derren himself wanted to see her . . . just because.
When his knock on the front door went unanswered, he rounded the lodge and found her lounging in the hammock listening to her iPod. Tuning everything out? Her scent twined around him, making his cock twitch to life.
Turning off the music, she asked, “Everything okay?”
Since her T-shirt had ridden up a little, flashing him a view of the swirly tattoo on her navel—no, it wasn’t okay at all. He found himself wanting to trace it with his tongue. “Shaya told me you plan to hole up here.”
“I figure that’ll make it easier for everyone.”
Derren knew it wouldn’t be easy for her at all. Shifters were tactile creatures; social and sexual touch was important to them. Going without it wasn’t good for their mental state, particularly that of their animals. “That’ll be tough on you, and you know it.”
Her tone dry, she said with a sweet smile, “Yeah, life will be so very hard and depressing without you . . . it will be almost the same as having you around.” His eyes narrowed dangerously, but his mouth curved in amusement. “It’s not like I’ll be totally alone all the time. Shaya will come see me. Being around her doesn’t hurt.”
Guilt began to bloom inside him. He didn’t want to hurt her. In fact, everything in him recoiled at the idea. And knowing that just being in close proximity caused her pain . . . it made him feel like a bastard.
“Tell me why you hate me, Derren.”
The words shocked him. He liked hearing her say his name, which made absolutely no sense. “I don’t hate you.” He wanted to, because it would mean he could shake off his attraction to her.
“I’ll rephrase: Why do you hate my kind?”
He didn’t want to talk about it, but he found himself explaining, “Let’s just say I never would have ended up in juvie if my old pack’s Seer hadn’t lied about a vision, turned my entire pack against me, and then stood up in a human court and testified against me.”
So much pain and anger—it was like ice picks embedded in her lungs, and it made Ally’s wolf whine to see him that way. Although she didn’t know just what lie the Seer had told, Ally could understand the depth of Derren’s rage. She’d heard from Cain exactly what juvie was like.
“You have no rights in there,” Cain had told her. “No say in your life, no privacy, no place to run as a wolf, no one to care if you live or die. If you can’t defend yourself, if you can’t fight, you’ll never survive it. If the guards don’t get ahold of you and have their sick idea of fun with you, the other prisoners might, especially if you break the ‘prisoner code.’ No one gets out of there whole, Ally. No one.”
Who wouldn’t be angry to have been through that, to have lost so much of their youth? To have been trapped in a place where they were always watching over their shoulder, where they’d been hurt over and over by the guards who were supposed to maintain order? Add in that Derren hadn’t deserved any of it, had carried the blame for something he hadn’t done, and it was no wonder there was so much pain, anger, and darkness in him.
Ally might not be able to relate to his experiences in juvie, but she did know how much it hurt to be blamed for a crime she’d played no part in, to have everyone turn against her. If she were to come across someone who made her think of Rachelle, who brought back those memories, Ally couldn’t say she’d be all that happy to be around that person. And if she’d been charged with protecting them, Ally definitely wouldn’t have liked it very much. So, yes, she could understand Derren’s reaction to her.