Maverick was furious with himself as they headed back to his condo. Pilar let him support her, even though it wasn’t strictly necessary. He couldn’t stand seeing her flawless body marked with injuries … deep slashes across her chest, a nasty knock on her head, and a multitude of bruises.
Not to mention the gashes on her neck.
She was still indescribably beautiful, but her nakedness didn’t stir him at the moment. The wounds frightened him too much.
“I’m okay, really,” she whispered as if she could sense his concern. He shook his head, completely lost for words.
When they got back to the condo, Maverick got a first aid kit and headed back to the lounge to care for Pilar. She had taken a large bottle of water from the fridge and was chugging it down and munching on handfuls of cookies between gulps.
“Let’s take a look at you,” Maverick said, opening the kit. The slashes across her breastbone were very deep and edged with black as if the condor’s claws had been incredibly dirty.
“No, Maverick,” she said, waving a hand. “That isn’t necessary.”
“I have to clean and dress your wounds! For fuck’s sakes, Pilar, let me do something!”
She shook her head, putting down the water bottle so she could touch his hand.
“Look,” she said, gesturing to a bruise on her arm. To Maverick’s astonishment, it healed right before his eyes.
“I’ll take a quick shower,” she said, kissing him on the cheek. “That will get the dirt out of the wounds, and they’ll be healed by the time I get back.”
Maverick sighed, stepping back and letting her go. He took some of the water and ate some cookies, taking himself to the couch to wait for her.
I am utterly and completely fucking useless. What does she even see in me?
He had his head in his hands as he struggled with his internal crisis. He was vulnerable, and he could do nothing to protect himself or the woman he loved. Nothing about life felt fair at that moment … almost as if his life’s work was a trick. He had worked so hard to give his sister’s death meaning, only to have the universe rip the rug out from under him at the last second.
Maybe, there really is no hope. Maybe good things only happen so you can get your soul ripped up in entirely new ways.
The couch sagged as Pilar sat next to him. She was only wearing a skimpy bathrobe, and he couldn’t help but admire her beauty, even though he was too tired to get aroused. The fight had really taken it out of him, and Maverick was beginning to worry that the poison was taking over his system.
“Maverick, I hate to say this, but maybe we should consider going to Hal,” Pilar said softly.
He shook his head. “No, I’m not doing that. Who knows what kind of evil he wants me to do?”
“But it might prolong your life,” she urged. “If he gives you the cure, then we can figure out a way to get free. You don’t have to do whatever it is he wants you to do.”
“It’s not worth it, Pilar,” Maverick said, shaking his head. “I won’t sacrifice my morals just to live a few more worthless minutes.”
“Worthless?” she cried.
“No, you’re right,” he amended. “They don’t have to be worthless. I can spend those last minutes back at the pod, and then I’ll know I’ve spent every second of my life the way I wished to. I won’t compromise myself, not for anything.”
“But you’ll die!” Pilar cried.
Maverick reached out and held her, stroking her hair. He could hear so much pain in her voice that his heart went out to her. “Yes. Everyone does. Tell me, my darling, how would I even give myself up to Hal if I wanted to?”
“They’ll be watching,” she said, her eyes locking on to the nearby window. “All we’d have to do is stand out in the open, and he’d come for us.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Maverick whispered. “Let me tell you a story.”
Maverick sighed, closing his eyes for a second. This story had never comforted him before when his grief and loss were for others. Now that it was for himself, he found an incredible, poetic beauty to it.
This is simply the way things are.
“A monk was traveling across a wide, grassy field. A tiger leapt from the long grass, pouncing at him. The monk fled. He knew he could not outrun the tiger, nor could he beat it, but he ran all the same. He came to a great precipice and looked over the edge toward his doom. Death approached from behind in the tiger’s claws and ahead from the void.”
Maverick paused for a breath, seeing that Pilar was listening intently, a small frown of confusion on her face.