He looks behind me, and I freeze, turning. I let out a breath when I notice that Priest is gone.
“Something the matter?” His jaw clenches.
“Oh, not at all, Father. Can I be of service?” I force a smile.
“I’m trying to locate, Mr. Michaels. You haven’t seen him, have you?”
I clear my throat. “Unfortunately no, Father. It is rather early for the residents.”
His lips purse into a thin line. “Perhaps. I’ll let you get to your prayers then.”
I nod, turning and making my way back to the tree. I get down on my knees and clasp my hands in prayer. I was lucky this time. This thing, whatever it is with Priest and I, will have to come to an end, for both of our sakes. What Father Thomas did to be last night is only the tip of the iceberg. I know what he is capable of. I cannot let Priest deter me from my path. But is it not the Lord who said that we should give of ourselves, joyfully? I push that thought to the back of my mind.
* * *
“Confess and be cleansed, child.”
The woman’s eyes dart around the church when she hears Father Thomas speaking, then back to me. For the first time in the years I’ve been helping Father Thomas, I feel out of it. This woman is like a caged animal, nervous, shrinking into herself in fear of what’s to come. I cannot help but see the similarity in her plight and mine. Hannah is thirty years old, recently widowed, with no children.
“Forgive me, Father – f-f-for I have sinned.” she stutters. “This is my first confession.”
It’ll be your last, I want to warn her.
“Go on, child.” Father Thomas steps out of the shadows and sits beside Hannah. He places a hand on her back, rubbing small circles. I am merely a witness to this. I seethe at the way he looks at her. It’s been a week since the last time he hurt me. I have kept my distance from both him and Priest. I had to beg Priest to respect that I needed some space. I needed to heal, physically and spiritually.
“My husband was having an affair. The woman he was with fell pregnant.” she looks down at her own flat stomach when she says it. “I couldn’t have children, I got an infection when I was a teenager. It…” she trails off, swiping at her cheeks. “I can’t have children. I never will. And Andrew, he was going to have that, with another woman.” she looks up at Father Thomas who nods. “I just wanted it all to go away, to have my husband again. I heard him on the phone, telling her he was going to leave me.”
She starts to sob, her small body shaking. “Forgive me, please…”
Father Thomas stands, walks to the altar, and comes back with what I assume is a cup of wine from Holy Communion. “Drink, Hannah.” he tells her.
She takes the cup with shaky hands, looking at me again with the same wild eyes. She drinks it greedily, as if she’s been parched her entire life.
Father Thomas says a prayer, his hand resting on her head. “O Lord, we ask for mercy for our offences. Spare O God, this child who confesses her faults. Restore her, according to your promises ...”
Hannah sobs, no doubt hanging onto those words.
“I feel light-headed,” she says, placing a hand to her temple. Father Thomas wraps an arm over her shoulder, and in a few seconds, her head is lulling against his chest. He effortlessly carries her limp form to the altar where he places her down so carefully you’d swear he cared, that he wasn’t about to ravage her body until her very soul is drained from her. He waves me over, and I take slow steps toward him.
“Prepare her.” he instructs, walking toward the room we usually use as a changing room for baptisms. I stand over her body, her blonde hair splayed around her head like a halo. I slowly remove the blouse she’s wearing, followed by her bra. Her skin is pale, soft to the touch. I remove her skirt and tug off her panties. I look down at her and wonder for the first time whether we are the monsters here. Has my lust for this man blinded my reality? Father Thomas returns, a robe draped over his intimidating frame.
“Kneel, Celeste. Pray that Hannah’s soul is welcomed by the Lord.” He looks down at her, desire burning in his eyes. I do as I’m told while Father Thomas tugs a limp Hannah off the altar, positioning her on her stomach. He lets his robe fall then rams his cock into her ass with no remorse. He has a dark expression on his face, the same darkens I see when he looks at me. “Say a prayer.” he pants, prompting me start reciting Hail Marys. His thrusts are so vicious I can’t watch. “Watch.” he demands like a mind reader.
He carries her back to the stone slab, spreading her legs in a way I can only describe as brutal. He moves between her legs, one hand pressed against her neck as he fucks her with such force I feel my throat constrict. He denies me his body but gives it freely to this sinner. Tears slip from my eyes. He growls a release that shakes me to the core. When he’s done, he wraps his robe around himself, a serene look on his face. I watch Hannah, realizing that her chest is no longer moving. Father Thomas calls the two caretakers who lick their lips when they look at the woman. “Take her away.”
I stand and scurry out of the church into the cool night. I make my way to the garden and fall to my knees, my vision blurry. It is in this very garden that Father Thomas took my soul, warping it into the vile creature I am now. I had lain staring up at the starry sky, much like the one I’m looking at right now, as he took my virtue with as much force and brutality as he did Hannah. I was only a child back then. My sixteen year old self was smitten by the only man I’d ever known. I'd believed him when he told me he would cleanse me of my dark thoughts. That God himself would rip my life from me if I didn’t let him.
The silhouettes of the caretakers have me on my feet. They should be carrying Hannah to the pit where they take everyone else in. They know the rules, add gasoline and let her burn. The old well has served Father Thomas well over the years. I'm confused to see them take her into the shed instead. I know that I should go back inside, but my feet carry themselves over to the shed's window. One of the men stands guard at the door, while the other has his way with Hannah. I should be appalled by this act of depravity, but I’m not. I’ve fallen too far my sense of morality is warped.
Instead of going back to my room, I walk to the cottage on the grounds where there is a candle burning in the window. I turn the doorknob and enter, immediately spotting Priest who lies in bed wearing only a pair of boxers. His gaze as I remove my clothing, dropping it at the door. I walk toward him, standing at the foot of his bed. “Fuck him out of me.” I tell him. He stands and walks behind me. I lean my head against his muscular body, his erection already pressing into my ass. He grabs my breasts, kneading them. I moan at the way his touch ignites something I have never felt before. “I need more.” I say breathlessly.
“Get on all fours.” he commands, and I climb up on the bed to do as I’m told. He slips a finger inside me, and I push myself back, forcing it deeper. He thrusts another finger into me, and I cry out. He pulls his fingers out of me then slams his cock into me. He grabs my hair, pulling my head back, using it as leverage as he fucks me. This isn’t like Father Thomas, this isn’t like the men I fuck so Father Thomas gets paid. This is raw and carnal and right. I come with such force, I’m a quivering mess. He climbs into bed and pulls me on top of him. I lower myself onto his cock, moaning at how completely he fills me. “Oh, Priest, you feel so good.”
“I want you like this, like the first time I saw you.” He pinches both my nipples sending electricity through me. He runs his hands over me, over my scars like they’re beautiful. “You’re perfect.” He tells me, as if he read my mind. I start to move up and down his length, but he grabs my hips, stilling me. Priest starts to lift up his hips thrusting into me so hard I reach an orgasm that has me weeping. He flips us so he’s between my thighs, moving inside me with such gentle precision I feel myself climbing yet again.
“I’m going to take you away from here, you hear me?” I nod, trying to concentrate on his words, but the feel of him inside me makes it difficult. “Tell me you’ll come with me."
“Yes.” I groan as his movements become harder, more calculated. There is nothing I can imagine wanting more. A chance to get out of here, maybe live a normal life. But I don’t tell him how afraid I am. How I know that Father Thomas will never let me go. I am his toy. He is the puppet master. I never thought I’d want anything else, until Priest showed up. I look into Priest's eyes, and I try to pour everything into one look. He seals the deal with a kiss that claims my breath as I feel him release inside me. Placing his forehead against mine, he tries to catch his breath. He pulls out and lays beside me before gathering me in his arms. I close my eyes and let the comfort of his embrace chase away the nightmares that I am fighting to keep at bay. When he kisses my hair, I cannot remember a time in my life where anyone was this gentle with me. As I feel myself drifting off, I remember something Mother Superior once said to me.Everyone has a dark side, Celeste, some just don’t show it. But it is the ones who embrace it that truly conquer it.