And it still doesn’t feel like home, so it’s a little disorienting when the doors open for me and I throw myself on the bed, staring at the chrome ceiling as I try to make sense of everything that has just happened.
My heart is still beating hard when I put my arm over my eyes and sink down into the mattress. I have drinks under my bed, but I’m resisting the urge to touch them. I need to be ready to fly us out of Scylla within minutes. The thought of it makes my pulse race. If I even think about Xanthos getting in my mind, my mouth dries.
Nereus was hurt because of me. We could’ve left as soon as everyone was on board if it wasn’t for the Boreans’ reach. It’s not a nice feeling, realizing that you’re the weakest link.
That everyone’s in danger because of you.
Maybe, after we get out of all this, I should just remove myself from the situation. I understand the fate of a species—a whole world—rests on Fiona’s shoulders. I haven’t made it any easier for her.
I haven’t made this any easier for anyone.
I rake my fingers through my hair, my heart still beating fast. My mind races and I’m struggling to calm myself down, my heart thumping in my chest. When I hear someone rapping on the door of the ship, I sit upright. “Come in,” I say. I don’t know who I expect to walk in; I wasn’t paying attention to the sound of footsteps in the hallway.
I let my gaze fall on the entryway as the doors swish open with a soft metallic sound. Nereus stands at the door, waiting for me to usher him in.
I should’ve been the one to go check in on him, and I barely take a moment to see the way he’s dressed, a long dark purple tunic with a dramatic white cape swishing behind him, golden and silver rings wrapped over his long auburn hair.
If it wasn’t for the fresh cut on his cheek, I would almost believe that he’s simply ready to go out again. But Nereus always looks like this: so put together, even after everything that’s happened. And there’s the obvious afterglow on his face. Even if I couldn’t read the sex all over his face, I was able to hear both him and Fiona.
“You looked shaken,” he says as way of explanation. Not that he has to tell me why he’s in my room. As far as I’m concerned, he’s always welcome here.
“Where’s Fiona?”
“She went to check on Ryker,” he says. “Adrenaline poisoning.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Which means…?”
“He went into a rage on Borealis,” Nereus explains. “He’s suffering from the flood of chemicals to his brain that allowed him to…well, to kill indiscriminately. It’s a form of shock.”
“Is he going to be okay?”
“Yes. It’s not fatal.”
I smile tightly at him. “Good,” I reply. “I really don’t want to lose anybody.”
“You got us out of there,” he says, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside me. His hand rests on my knee, his thumb smoothing over my pants.
“I could’ve gotten us killed,” I say, placing my head on his shoulder. I look up at him and pull his face toward me so that I can press my lips against his, but there’s a hollowness there…like we’re not supposed to be doing this. “How’s your head?”
“I’m okay. You two worry too much.”
I trace my fingertips down the outline of his throat, until I get to his clavicle. He sighs out a heavy breath, his breath hot on my skin. I can feel myself slipping into old patterns at his touch, wanting to lose myself in his body. And listening to Nereus and Fiona fucking each other senseless made me so,sojealous.
“You’re not too tired, are you?” I ask him, a subtle request.
He pulls away from me. “For you, never,” he says. Then he wraps his hand around mine, his long fingers pressing hard into the palm of my hand. “But we shouldn’t.”
I immediately let go of him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t make me uncomfortable, Kye,” he says. “I want you so much. But I think we need to talk.”
I straighten up. It turns out it sucks to hear those words, no matter where you are in the universe.
“Okay…”
“I’m worried about you,” he says, his voice a whisper. His green eyes sparkle as he turns to look at me, his thumb tracing the outline of my jaw. “You’re only there when we have sex. And today…when Xanthos got in your mind, I thought I lost you again.”
“Again?”