“Not on purpose, but what if something happens that we didn’t plan for? What if there’s something off, something we couldn’t have anticipated? What if we weren’t as stealthy as we thought and Donovan knows that we’re going to be there?”
“Hey, hey.” Cain takes my hand and sits down in the free chair next to me. “You can’t plan for everything. But you did all that you could, and that’s all any of us can ask of you. And if it goes sideways, then we’ll figure it out. We’ll regroup and we’ll hatch a new plan. That’s how it is. We’ll never stop fighting.”
I nod, taking some deep breaths. “It’s not just my fate that’s at stake here. It’s all of you. I don’t know what to do with that responsibility.”
“You get used to it,” Cain teases. He squeezes my hand and stands up. “Now go get some sleep.”
Sleep. Yeah. Like that’s going to happen.
* * *
Except… it does.
I’m dreaming again. It’s the same one before, the dream or vision that I had when my Sight was first activated. I’m leading an army, commanding them, fierce and proud.
But it doesn’t feel right.
I don’t like that I’m alone. It feels wrong. I shouldn’t be alone, I should have my men with me. I should have mymateswith me. Before it was more of a lingering, abstract fear but now it’s active in my chest, a discomfort that I can’t shake. Like I don’t want the rest of this if I can’t have them with me.
I’m not giving a speech this time. I’m not rousing anyone to battle. That part’s already done. Now, I’m charging in, leading the army. I’m still not sure where we are or who we’re fighting. The vision isn’t firm enough for that. The part of me that can tell this is a dream, the tiny part that’s lucid and an observer, makes a note to ask Cain about this later. To ask if it’s usual for the Sight to just give us parts of a scene and leave blank parts.
But I can’t ask him right now. I’m not even in control of my own body. I just know that I don’t like this, I don’t want it, it’s not for me.
I’m just about to reach the advancing, enemy army, the army I can’t even recognize, whose faces are a strange gray blur, and then I wake up with a jolt.
My heart is pounding. I stare up into the darkness of my room, struggling for breath. I feel like I was on a roller coaster, and I just got yanked off right before the big drop.
What is this dream? Some kind of prophecy? A vision of the future? Under what possible circumstances would I be leading a whole damn army? I know I’m not super well versed in what’s going on in the supernatural world, but I feel like I would know if we’d had a full-out war recently. I can’t see that happening any time soon. The effects would be huge across the world, for all of us.
But with what Roanac’s planning, maybe we end up having no other choice. Maybe straight-up war is what it comes to. I don’t know, and that scares me.
The door to my room opens a crack, and North pokes his head in. He seems surprised to see me awake, his eyebrows rising.
I’m pretty surprised myself, actually. I hadn’t expected that any of the men would be awake right now. Was that my fault? “Did I wake you?”
“No.” North slips into the room and closes the door behind him, keeping his voice quiet. “You can’t hear anything outside this room. It’s a panic room. So it’s sound proof.”
Oh, that makes sense. It doesn’t really help to have a panic room that nobody can see if people can also easily hear you moving around in it.
North walks over and sits down on the edge of the bed. “Why are you awake? Did I disturb you?”
“No, no. I just. Woke up.”
“Same here. I felt like I had to check on you. Like you needed someone.”
Could it be the mate bond?
“I… I’m not sure I’d call it a nightmare, although it was upsetting.” I explain the dream to him. “It was the same as the vision that I had a few days ago, so I don’t know if this was just a dream about that, or if it was an actual vision, continuing what I saw before.”
“The Sight is difficult at times, or so Cain tells me,” North says. He eyes me. “Come here.”
I think he can tell that I need touch right now, because he tries to settle me against his side. It’s not enough, though, and now that I know that touch like this is okay, that he’s offering it, I need more.
I pull him down next to me on the bed so that we can properly cuddle, curling up into his side. I’ve never been a cuddler before, but I really need this now. I need the reassurance and the closeness.
North doesn’t hesitate or ask what’s going on. He just wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. Of course, I forgot that shifters are notoriously clingy. It’s because a lot of them shift into pack animals that show affection through physical touch since, you know, animals can’t really talk. I’m glad that I can feel the emotions of my men now, because it means that I can feel that North is happy to hold me, that he’s content while doing this, because it feels like he’s protecting me, and helping to take care of me.
“Do you think this is connected to how I’ve got the blood of the Ancient Ones?” I ask. “Or whatever it is?”