Holy shit. I think I almost just got fucked to death, I think idly, chuckling to myself.But if I did, I definitely went to heaven.
CHAPTER7
Istare up at the ceiling as we lie in a pile of sweaty, sated limbs and catch our breath. I feel like I’ve been run over by a train, then another train, but in the best way.
I’m not sure I can feel all of my limbs, but I feel warm, safe, and even… happy.
Yes, happy.
It could just be the amazing post-orgasm high talking, but I don’t think it is. I think that it’s real, because I’ve had plenty of orgasms over the years. I’m not a shy girl when it comes to sex, but I haven’t feltthisin years. Maybe possibly ever.
The guys look just as sated and relaxed as I feel. Raven seems to be over the funk that he was in, and I feel a surge of relief. I don’t ever want to see him like that again. I might have to at some point—in fact, I actively worry that I will—but I hope not.
That’s the future, though. Right now, lying next to me with his head on my stomach, my hand in his hair, he’s happy. He’s smiling lazily up at me, and that’s exactly what I want. I want him to be happy. Always.
Same with Cain and North, who are both lying there and smiling as well. It’s a relief to see North smiling after how frustrated he’s been with himself. Cain smiling isn’t as unusual as the others, but this isn’t mischievous or like he’s trying to be charming. It’s peaceful. I don’t think I’ve ever really seen Cain be peaceful before. He’s playing with my hair, just gently untangling the snarls that have gotten into it from the sex, and he looks like he’s halfway to daydreaming.
I want to bask in this moment forever.
Just the four of us. No thought of anything else.
“I gotta say,” I admit, keeping my voice soft so I don’t ruin the moment, “that was even better than our first two times together. And both of those were pretty fucking amazing.”
I grin at Cain, who gives me a look that I can’t read. It’s not the happy smile I expected, though. He seems almost troubled.
No, that’s not the right word. I don’t know what the right word is. It concerns me that I can’t read what he’s thinking or feeling. And that makes me realize just how good I’ve gotten at reading the men over just the last few days.
“That’s because—” Cain cuts himself off and doesn’t finish the sentence. Instead, he looks away.
I frown, my eyebrows drawing together. “Because of what?”
Cain shrugs. Not like he doesn’t know the answer, but like he’s not sure how to say it. Or like he’s not going to try. I’m not sure.
North speaks instead. “It’s because the bond between us is stronger now.”
“The bond?” I turn to face him.
“The mate bond,” North elaborates. “It’s gotten stronger because of our time together. Our connection is stronger after all that we’ve been through.”
“But we already had the mate bond, according to the three of you. Wouldn’t it already be strong?”
“Mate bonds are more like suggestions,” North replies. “Very strong suggestions. But it has to be accepted and embraced to truly become an everlasting bond. It’s like a potential connection. Consider a one-night stand. When you look across the room and you meet someone’s eyes and there’s that sizzle. And you can ignore it or decide to go over and flirt. You can decide to spend the night with them or not. The mate bond is the same. The mate bond is the sizzle. But it doesn’t take away your free will. You decide to ignore it or give into it.”
That’s a relief. When the men first brought up that I was their mate, they acted like it was a done deal. I thought I had no choice in the matter. That had scared and frustrated me. But now it seems that it was just a potential. They chose to give into it right away and say,well then she’s our mate now.
That kind of loyalty and devotion only means so much more now that I realize it’s achoicethey made and not just some twist of fate that they chose not to fight.
Does that mean that all I’ve been feeling for them really is me? Not some magic mumbo-jumbo just trying to convince me what to do?
“So if I had just left after I slept with you three the first time,” I ask, “if the assassins didn’t arrive, I mean, and I’d left, would the mate bond just never have happened?”
“I don’t know,” North admits. “But probably not. You would’ve felt something weird for a few days. Maybe a pull toward us. Maybe you would’ve felt a little under the weather. Or like something was missing. Most people don’t ignore the mate bond. They want to have one. Especially since they’re so rare nowadays. So I don’t know for sure how it would feel. But I know it would go away eventually.”
I mull that over in my mind. I probably would’ve done exactly that. Made my excuses and left, and then ignored whatever weird feeling I was getting. I was so determined not to let anybody into my life.
“Maybe I should be grateful for those assassins then,” I joke.
North looks a little protective and curls closer against me, like the very memory of those men trying to attack me is offensive to him.