He couldn’t even watch us.
Yes, he was testing my feelings. But, really? Was he? What did he expect? He rigged the game last night.
He’d made that option so appealing––Roman had done it, but Kai had signed off on it––so he was sure I’d say yes.
So no. It wasn’t about testing my feelings.
It. Was. Not.
Had it been about that, money wouldn’t have been attached to Roman’s proposal, and Kai would’ve asked me straight up if I wanted Roman in bed with me.
It would’ve been all about the sex.
But Kai made it all about money and power, and freedom.
He gave me the freedom to walk away with or without confessing my feelings––there are no penalties in the contract for ending it that way, are there?––and now I’m actually resenting that kind of freedom.
Is that what he wants? What about what I want?
What do I want?
Yes. What do I want?
Sadness grows in me. Ugly, gray, tear-soaked sadness.
Money comes with a price. Feelings come with a price. Life is a long bargaining process. And most of the time, you have to choose without getting what you want.
It’s how I chose last night, although there was no choice.
What would’ve happened if I said no to Roman?
How would the night have unfolded?
What would’ve happened had Kai not taken his call or accepted his invitation, and we wouldn’t have spent time on Roman’s yacht?
We’ll never know.
Kai Walker has set me free.
He single-handedly has done that. He had the power to say no, yet he said yes. And I said yes.
Everybody was on board with it. And then Kai wasn’t. Why? What happened?
As much as I hate revisiting that moment, I must because I need to know what happened.
I mentally rewind the entire film of the evening, and as much as I’d love to start with the moments Kai and I had spent in his apartment, I can’t.
The pain is too brutal, tearing me inside.
Those moments are part of a different story. We knew they’d come to an end. And we mutually agreed it was the right course for us, but even so, revisiting the past makes me clutch my stomach in pain.
I start at the dinner table.
Francisco. Francisco made no secret of how he felt. Alejandro and Kai seem all right.
The keyword here is ‘seem’.
And then we move the party to the boat.