Nicky turned to Ken.
"For what it's worth, I think you can do this," Ken said. "You were a good leader, Lyons. Your instincts were spot on. And that’s coming from someone who hates sharing the spotlight.”
Nicky smiled. “Thanks, Walker.”
Everyone stood up and shook hands—except for Grace, who went for a hug. Then, they all broke apart. Job well done. Much more to do. Nicky had the rest of the day off, and she considered going to sit on a patio and have a nice cold beer—but maybe that wasn’t what was best for her right now.
There was someone she hadn’t seen in a while, someone she’d been meaning to visit.
***
The walls of Dr. Graham's office were a deep red, with a fish tank on one wall. Nicky sat in his chair, facing her psychiatrist as he calmly spoke. The water in the tank was cloudy and green, and the fish swimming around it were silver and gold. The light from the window reflecting off of the water made the fish swim in circles. Nicky felt calm and at ease in Dr. Graham's office.
"Miss Lyons," Dr. Graham said, "I didn't expect to see you for a while."
Nicky gave him a tight smile. Dr. Graham used to have Nicky on medication for her anxiety and PTSD, but even though it made the flashbacks go away... well, Nicky didn't like that. Because the flashbacks, the memories--they were all she had left of Rosie.
"I'm just here to talk, not for any meds," Nicky said.
"I know. You know I'm your therapist too."
Dr. Graham was an older man with thinning gray hair. He always wore a suit, but his tie was loose around his neck. Nicky had been seeing him for a few years now.
"Do you think you're actually up to talking?" he asked.
"Absolutely," Nicky said. A real smile came to her face. "I'm looking forward to it."
"Well, I'm glad," Dr. Graham said. "Because it's been a while since we talked. How are you, really, Nicky?”
"Good. Getting better."
"I’m glad to hear it. You're doing well in your job?"
"I'm just making it up as I go," Nicky said. "But we just had a major win, so I'm doing okay."
"Good. Drinking less?"
"On the job? Of course," Nicky said cheekily.
Dr. Graham laughed. "You know what I mean."
Nicky sighed, going quiet for a moment. "I have a drink sometimes, but it's nothing detrimental."
"Just be careful. You know it... runs in your blood."
It struck a chord for Nicky, and she paused.
For the first time in a long time, she thought of her father.
He had never been a great man, or a particularly good father. But after Rosie had disappeared, he hit the bottle hard. Work started to suffer. He lost his job. He got fired. Then, he went on a bender and ended up in jail. He wasn't there long, but when he got out, he was even more of a monster.
Nicky hated that her father had let her down. She hated his behavior, and she hated that she had failed to save Rosie.
He had always blamed her. Just like she'd blamed herself.
Other times, he'd be so drunk that Nicky wondered if he'd even remembered Rosie's name. He did things that drove her mother crazy. If Nicky hadn't been there, she didn't know if her mother would have gotten through it all.
Given that her mother had been as broken as Nicky, she doubted it. One day, Nicky had gone to her mother and told her she was moving away to become an FBI agent. Her mother had hugged her, and said she was proud of her.