His head cocks to the side, smile never faltering. “I didn’t know you smoked weed.”
“Uh, yeah. Well, sometimes I do.”
“You headed to see Anderson?”
“Yup.”
“Right on. I’ll see you later, then.” He walks past me without a backwards glance, heading into Kalen’s house.
Fuck.
Jumping in my car, I peel out of the driveway, heart beating in my ears.Fuck!He’s going to tell Aston, who will tell Anderson. There’s no fucking reason for me to be around Kalen, and they fucking know it. He’s going to figure it out and leave me. He’s going to fucking hate me. Shit.
Maybe Knox won’t say anything, though. Anderson told me he never told Aston about Anderson and I hooking up. Maybe he’ll keep his mouth shut about this, too. Realistically, Icouldbe buying weed from Kalen. It’s notthatmuch of a stretch.
It’ll be okay. Gripping the steering wheel tighter, I force myself to take a deep breath. I’ll be fine. Everything will befine.
Once I hit the freeway, I toss a couple of pills back with the water in the cup holder. My hands are shaky and sweaty as I return my attention back to the road. The music pauses as a call comes through—it’s Anderson.
Fuck!
Hitting the answer button on my steering wheel, the call connects through the speakers. “Hey, man.”
“Hey. Where you at? Woke up and you weren’t here.”
“Had to run home real quick. Didn’t want to wake you, but I’m on my way back now.”
“Oh. Okay, I’ll see you soon?”
“Yeah. I’ll probably be there in about fifteen minutes.”
We hang up, and I don’t feel any more at ease. I need to be better at hiding this shit or else he’s going to find out. Why the fuck wouldn’t Kalen tell me Knox was coming over?
The thought of Anderson finding out and leaving me makes me want to fucking die. I wouldn’t fucking survive it. He’s the only goddamn good thing in my life. Just the knowledge that he has to return to school next month makes my insides twist painfully.
Every time fall rolls around, I hate the decision I made to attend Western. After my accident, I lost the chance for a football scholarship to WSU, and my stubborn, angry at the world brain couldn’t stand the idea of still going to that school if I couldn’t play football. My pride was shot, and I let my depression make the choices for me.
There’s a huge part of me that believes if I would’ve let myself go there with my friends, like we all planned to, maybe I wouldn’t be as fucking pathetic as I am now. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so hooked on these stupid fucking drugs, and I wouldn’t constantly worry that Anderson will decide he’s too good for me, and leave.
Instead, my mind is screwed up, I hate myself, and my body is fucking sick. I’m worthless and fucking good for nothing. Anderson is going to graduate in a few years, and go on to lead a successful life, just like his father, while I stay behind, withering away.
Fuck, maybe I’ll be dead by then. Maybe the drugs will kill me and none of this will matter.Wouldn’t that be nice?
This self-loathing pity party continues for the rest of the drive. By the time I park outside of Anderson’s house, my pulse is hammering, and my head feels like it’s going to explode.Be cool. Act fucking normal. He doesn’t suspect anything.
The house is warm and smells like lemons when I walk in. His mom is baking something that makes my mouth water. I trudge up the stairs, my stomach doing somersaults the closer I get to the top. His door is closed, and I hesitate a single moment before pushing it open. He isn’t anywhere in the room, but the bathroom light is on and the door is closed, so he must be in there.
I flop down on his bed and pull my phone out, browsing social media while I wait for him to come out. About five minutes later, the door opens and out walks Anderson… wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.
Fuck, if I thought the smell downstairs made my mouth water, it’s got nothing on the sight of him barely covered with water droplets dripping down his bare chest. My gaze takes in every sharp line, every ripple of muscle, every thick vein going up and down his strong arms. His broad chest and wide shoulders. I love the way he swallows hard and his Adam’s apple bobs whenever he catches me checking him out, like I am right now.
My shameless perusal finally lands on his face, and I don’t miss the way his neck and cheeks have pinkened, or the way he nervously chews on the inside of his cheek, while his deep green eyes watch me.
“Hi.”
“Hey. You just get here?”
“Yup, few minutes ago.”