She rubbed at her forehead. “I’m actually not in the mood to talk about my past. Perhaps I could interest you in a smart-ass comment instead.”
I advanced on her. “Imani, I know enough about your prick of a Sire to know he needs to die. Slowly. Painfully. There’s more to the story. Tell me what you didn’t say earlier.”
“So you get to be a closed book but I have to tell you everything?”
“I just want you to share with me.”
“Share? All right, how about I keep the pin and you have the grenade? Sound fair?”
That was one thing about Imani—when she was tired, she could be snippy as hell. Still, I would have pushed her to share if she didn’t look so exhausted and vulnerable. “We’ll postpone that conversation. You look ready to drop. I’m surprised you’re conscious.”
Her lips flattened. “Blame that bitch from the bar.”
“No, baby, I’m blaming you. You worked yourself too hard during training, even though you knew you were already weak. It was a wonder you didn’t pass out. Don’t do that again.”
“Don’t work hard?”
I curled my hand around her chin. “Don’t play with me, baby. You know exactly what I mean. If there was some kind of surprise attack tonight, you would be no good to yourself. You’d be off your game, and that could lead to you being hurt. None of that is okay with me.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re dangerously exhausted.”
The amber tint in her irises flared. “I’m fine.”
“You’re lying, and you’re shit at it.”
She stepped back, breaking my hold on her chin and flashing me that oh-so-haughty look I knew well. “I can so lie. And if I want your opinion, I’ll give you some forms to fill out, all right?”
“Baby, you need to drop that little attitude.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, because it makes my fucking cock throb.”
She rolled her eyes. “I can’t say I know many guys who would—” She quieted as I closed the distance between us and put a finger to her mouth.
I spoke softly. “I don’t want to hear about other guys.” And I didn’t want to be compared to them, because I’d definitely come up short. “I am who I am. Fucked up in a lot of ways. Too many ways.” She deserved better, but she was stuck with me. “I’d change if I could.”
She frowned. “You don’t need to change. You’re not a bad person.”
I wasn’t sure I believed that, but I was glad that she did. I splayed my hand around her throat, feeling her pulse beat beneath my thumb. It made my mouth water. “Has anyone fed from you since me?” I didn’t like thinking of anyone else’s teeth sinking into her skin. We’d exchanged blood many times. I liked having something of her in me, just as I liked knowing there was a part of me inside her.
Her fingers curled around my wrist, but she didn’t pull my hand away. She also didn’t answer.
“The last person to feed from me was you,” I admitted. She didn’t look at all convinced. “You thought me a cold bastard who saw you as nothing but a good fuck I’d easily replace?”
She blinked. “I never thought of you as cold.”
Well, she’d be the only one.
“And I’m not a good fuck, I’m a great fuck. Let’s just be clear about that.”
My mouth curved. “Yes, you are.” She was the best I’d ever had. And I’d have her again. The wait would be torture. It would also be worth it.
“Why do you think you need to change?”
“I know myself, Imani. I know my strengths and I know my faults.”
“Everybody has faults.”
“But not everybody finds it easy to kill,” I pointed out.
“But you don’t kill for killing’s sake. You kill to protect our kind, to defend your squad, and to serve Sam and Jared. You don’t do it because it’s a way to get your jollies.”
“I’m no model soldier, baby.”
“But you’re not a monster either.”
I lifted a single brow. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. You’ve saved my ass a number of times.”
“That’s because it was you. I always protect what belongs to me.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I belong to me.”
“Wrong.” I shook my head. “Very, very wrong. Don’t try to fight this. There’s no point.”
She blew out a frustrated breath. “I find it too hard to accept that you’ve suddenly gone from wanting sex to wanting everything.”
“It wasn’t sudden, Imani. It happened over the course of almost a year. It just seems sudden to you because you didn’t know until recently.”
She was silent for a few moments. “You’re asking a lot from me.”
I tucked her hair behind her ear. “I know.” She’d be dumb not to be wary.
“I can’t give it to you.”
“You can.” And she would.
“I don’t know you well enough to give you everything.”
“Then we’ll fix that. But you might not like everything you hear.” But I wouldn’t lie to her. We couldn’t build something that was based on untruths.
“You’re saying you’ll share stuff?”
I couldn’t blame her for sounding dubious, since I’d dodged every personal question she’d ever asked me in the past. “If that’s what you need.”
“I have a lot of questions,” she warned me. “You don’t like questions.”
“I like being without you even less. So I’ll give you what answers you want, but I won’t give them to you all at once.”
“Why?”
“You’re incredibly curious; you like puzzles. If I drip feed you the things you need to know, you’ll be more likely to come back to me again and again.”
She scowled, but there was a glint of humour in her eyes. “You don’t think that’s a little devious?”
“I think it’s extremely devious.” But I’d do it. Besides, only a dumbass would lay out his dirty laundry in the early stages of a relationship. Only once he was sure that she was happy and as attached to him as possible did he dump it all on her. Otherwise, he’d risk losing her. There was no way I’d risk losing Imani. I’d done it before, and I wasn’t keen on doing it again.