“You didn’t hurt me.”
Something in her expression clued me in. “But I tried to, didn’t I?”
Ava rested her forehead against mine. “That wasn’t you. At that moment, you were a puppet – an extension of her. You didn’t recognise me or my voice.”
“Tell me exactly what happened.” Being in the dark was giving me room to imagine all kinds of fucked up shit. I’d rather have the truth, no matter how horrible a truth it was. Taking a deep breath, Ava then filled in the gaps. Guilt, anger, and horror trickled through me; my stomach knotted at the thought of what could have happened if she hadn’t been so damn smart. I fisted my hands in her hair. “Baby, I’m so fucking sorry.”
She smacked my chest – and it actually hurt. “No, you don’t get to feel guilty about this! Dammit, that wasn’t your fault! And you fought it, Salem. You were stripped to nothing but basic instincts. But even then, once you realised who I was, your instinct was to protect me.” She shot me a little smile as she added, “And fuck me silly.”
I smoothed my hands along her thighs, wincing inwardly. “I’m sorry I was rough.” I’d been beyond rough. More like violent. That in mind, I lifted her off the counter, carried her through the apartment and into the bathroom – pointedly ignoring the pile of ashes on the bedroom floor. When I started filling the tub, she sighed.
“This isn’t necessary, I’m fine.”
“Ava, don’t lie to me. I vaguely remember shoving myself balls-deep in one thrust without much foreplay involved.”
“All I cared about was that it was me you were fucking, not her. That we’re both alive.” She kissed me gently. “So stop torturing yourself. I want my cuddly bear back.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re calling me cuddly? I tried to kill you ten minutes ago.”
“Stop dwelling on old shit.”
With a grunt, I gently set her on her feet and carefully undressed her. Trying to apologise with every soft touch. Intellectually, I understood that she was right; the guilt was needless. But I still felt like complete shit. The thing I’d wanted to do from minute one was protect her. I’d almost fucking killed her.
By the time I was done undressing her, the tub was ready. I gently settled her into the Jacuzzi before turning on the jets.
She released a sigh of pleasure. “Why aren’t you joining me?”
I crouched beside the tub. “This is for you.” I skimmed my hand up her leg, unable to not touch her.
“Stop brooding.”
I frowned. “I don’t brood.”
She snorted, sinking deeper into the water. “My conversation with Cristiano didn’t go so good, at first. But when I told him I was happy and that I loved you, he calmed down. He’ll come to the Binding.”
I knew she was trying to distract me from what just happened, and I was willing to let her if it made her relax. “Good.” If that asshole had refused, it would have upset her. Then I’d have had to kick his useless ass, which wouldn’t have gone down well with Ava. “It must have been hard for you on the assignment, knowing he was close and in danger. But you didn’t lose your shit. I’m proud of how well you handled it.”
She glanced at me sideways, smiling shyly. “Thank you.”
“I can’t say I’d have been thinking straight if it had been you in that detonation ring.”
“You think I’d have handled it just as well if it had been you and not Cristiano?” She got to her knees and faced me. “Salem, part of why I didn’t lose my shit was that I had you with me. It helped me stay calm.”
That got to me. I was used to making people feel nervous, never calm. My squad members might trust me with their lives, but I would bet none of them would claim I had a way of keeping them calm…particularly if I’d tried to kill them. “I’d never deliberately hurt you. You know that, don’t you?”
“Of course I know that. Stop feeling guilty.”
“I can’t help hating what I did.” Harming her went against everything in me.
“If the situation had been reversed, would you have blamed me?”
I didn’t say ‘obviously not’, but it must have been evident in my expression because her smile was very self-satisfied. Sliding my hands into her hair, I drank in every detail of her face. I never would have thought that anything could be this important to me, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I just knew I had no intention of losing it. “As long as you know I’d never purposely hurt you.”
“I know you wouldn’t.”
“And that I love you.” The words were gruff, but her smile was so bright that it might have knocked me on my ass if I’d been standing.
“I know you do.” She didn’t return the words, and I could tell by the teasing glint in her eyes that she was playing with me.
“Ava.”
“Yep?”
“You have something to say.”
She cocked her head. “Really? Like what?”
I bit her bottom lip hard enough to sting but without drawing blood. “Ava.”
She giggled. “Okay, I love you.”
I grunted, which for some reason made her giggle again. I was just about to bite that lip once more, maybe break the skin this time, when a loud thud came from the living area – a thud that sounded suspiciously like the front door crashing open.
I zoomed through the apartment, and released a menacing growl at the sight of Will staggering inside looking pale and weak with an anxious Blythe in tow. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I moved to charge at the bastard, but Blythe slipped in front of him.
She started to quickly explain, “Don’t harm him, Salem, he’s upset and he wants to know how –”
“Get out,” I snarled.
“He’s upset!”
“You’re mistaking me for someone who gives a shit.”
“I felt my blood-link with Gina break!” Will burst out. “I know she’s dead!” Which explained why he was in a bad state. The breaking of a blood-link was painful and draining. No doubt he would have come sooner if he hadn’t been folded over in agony.
“What’s going on?” demanded Ava as she sidled up to me, having thrown on a vest and pair of shorts.