“The sun’s out,” Lennon says and automatically my eyes go to the window. I kind of expected it to be dark with just a little of the sun peeking through. That’s not the case. It’s clearly been out for a while.
“It is,” Jake says, and he sounds as shocked as I am.
“Did you have bad dreams? Sometimes when I have bad dreams, I come and get in bed with Mommy, too.”
“Lennon—”
“Mommy had a bad dream, so I thought it was a good idea if I was here to remind her she’s not alone. I wanted her to know that I’m here now and that you’re in the room next door and together we’ll always be here to protect her,” Jake says, and my heart squeezes in my chest. I’m sinking fast when it comes toJake Ryan, and I can’t seem to stop it. It appears the past didn’t make me one bit smarter.
“Does that mean you’re going to live here now, Jake? Like you know, part of the family?”
“Lennon—”
“I have to go back to work once your mom gets better, but yeah, Lennon, buddy, I plan on staying around and living here with you guys all the time.”
“And we’ll still be best friends?” Lennon asks, making my heart ache for him. He really does love Jake.
“The best of friends. I’ll be depending on you to take care of your momma while I’m away from work. I won’t be gone a lot, though. I’m going to make sure that whenever possible I’m only agreeing to ride in shows where I can be home at night with you guys.”
“That’s awesome,” Lennon says.
“I think we should talk about this later. How about we all go—”
“Does this mean you’ll be like my dad?”
Lennon’s innocent question interrupts me and breaks my heart. My hand trembles as I bring it to my mouth. Oh, God…
“Buddy, there’s something you need to know—”
“You need to know that I’m hungry. Why don’t you do me a favor and go and check on Grandma? Jake will help me get up and we’ll all have pancakes,” I interject.
I’m not ready for the conversation that Jake wants to have with Lennon. We do need to tell him, but I don’t want to just spring it on my son. Whenever we tell him the truth, we need to do it delicately and be prepared.
“Are you and me going to make the pancakes, Jake?”
“You know it, buddy,” Jake says, and I can hear the frustration in his voice. He’s mad and I hate it. I’ve handled all of this wrong. I just need more time. Things seem to be changingall around me and I can’t even go to the damn bathroom by myself.
“Yay, okay. I’ll go check on Grandma.”
“Christ, Katie,” Jake growls once the door closes.
“Jake, I know you’re upset.”
“You’re damn right I’m upset. This was the perfect time to tell Lennon that I’m his father and you stepped in and stopped it. You can’t keep doing that. My son deserves to know the truth. I deserve to be able to call him my son. I want my name on his birth certificate and I want all the secrets out. I want to be able to tell my son that I love him. I don’t want to hide the truth from him any longer.”
“Jake, your name is on Lennon’s birth certificate. It always has been.”
“What?”
“His name is Lennon Reed Ryan.”
“You named our son after Reed?” I growl.
“Will you stop?”
“I guess I should be glad he’s not named after my brother.”
“And there’s the asshole Jake rearing his head again,” I mutter.