“He told him that,” I admit. “It’s just…”
“Just?”
“It’s happened so quickly. What happens if Jake goes back on the circuit and decides being a father doesn’t fit into his life.Where does that leave us? Lennon, I mean. Where does that leave him?”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Mom responds, smiling.
“It’s not like that,” I immediately deny, already knowing what is on her mind.
“Don’t lie to an old lady. It’s bad karma. You aren’t hiding anything from me. We had this discussion right before the accident, remember?”
I let out a long breath and sigh. “I remember, but it doesn’t change anything. Sure, I’m always going to love Jake. I can admit that because it does nothing but make me the biggest fool in the world. I’m enough of a realist to know that love isn’t enough when it comes to Jake. It just isn’t.”
“It wasn’t the first time. What’s to say it’s not this time?”
“I’m to say it. Jake will leave, Mom. He will leave and I’ll be here to pick up the pieces again—only this time I have Lennon to worry about.”
“Seems to me, if Jake was to leave tomorrow, you’d still be left to pick up the pieces. What’s wrong with seeing if you can show Jake what he’d lose by walking away?”
“You’re forgetting something.”
“Am I?”
“Yes, like the fact that I promised Jeff I would marry him? I made promises to him.”
“He made promises to you, too, sweetheart. Yet, do you see him here?”
“No…”
“And he knows you’re in the hospital.”
“Mom…”
“Do you remember what I told you when you came to me for advice years ago because you were in love with Jake?”
“You told me following my heart is never wrong if trust is involved, but maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I don’t trust Jake any longer.”
“Then tell him that. Maybe he’ll prove you can.”
“And if he doesn’t?” I ask, coughing because I’ve used my voice extra today and I’m feeling the pain from it.
“Then you will be here, surrounded by people who love you and who will also help you pick up those pieces you’re worrying about. You aren’t alone, baby. You never have been,” she says, squeezing my hand.
She’s right. I’m not alone…
But I’m still scared.
“What’s going on in here? You two women look way too serious.”
“Yeah, you look seer-us,” Lennon chimes in, riding on Jake’s shoulders. Barb is beside them, smiling.
“We do, huh?” I murmur. Jake puts Lennon down and I open my arms for my baby. He joins me on the bed, and I hold him to me, breathing him in.
God, I’ve missed him.
“Yep,” Lennon says, laying his head against my chest. I wince a little cause it’s a little painful to hold him like this. I look up to find Jake staring at me, concern in his eyes.
“Hey, buddy, what if you get up and sit in—”