“Honey, men are delicate creatures and they’re mostly made up of ego. You had to know he would be upset and jealous because you were in a relationship with his brother.”
“He doesn’t get that right. We weren’t together anymore. When Jeff and I…” I stop because telling her when Jeff and I began sleeping together just seems wrong. “When we became serious, Jake and I had been apart for almost five years. I know what they all say about me, but I’ve only ever slept with two men in my life, and I loved both of them!”
“True enough, you did, although we both know in different ways.”
“Well, yeah. They’re different men, Mom.”
“That they are. What you have to ask yourself is which one owns the biggest piece of your heart today. That’s what matters, Katie.”
“It doesn’t. How could it? Jake doesn’t want a relationship. I’m not sure what he wants—outside of having the chance to torture me. I thought he was serious about being Lennon’s Dad, but now I’m even starting to rethink that.”
“I don’t blame you for that. Did he explain why he disappeared? I mean, it was only two days. Maybe he had a good reason,” she suggests.
I let out a snort. “He didn’t have any reason. The only thing he tried to do was to convince me that Jeff had lied.”
“What does that mean?”
I push my hand in my hair and lift it off my neck now that I’m on the interstate. Traffic is heavy today, which is not what I was hoping for at all. I merge into the middle lane and get behind a large semi. I’d like to turn the air down, but Mom chills way too easily.
“He tried to tell me that Jeff didn’t tell him about Lennon until right before the wedding. Isn’t that the most absurd thing you’ve ever heard in your life? Ridiculous.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“I did. I told him Jeff had nothing to gain by lying and he didn’t. Besides, Jeff would never betray me like that.”
“Hmmm…”
“What does that mean?” I ask, sparing a glance at her before turning my attention back to the road.
“Well, I mean, it is kind of strange that Jake picked your wedding to show up if he had known about Lennon all along.”
“No, it’s not. Jake is an asshole. That’s all there is to it.”
“Maybe, but what if he’s telling the truth. What if all these years he had no idea?”
“That’s insane. Jeff wouldn’t do that. Why on earth would he?”
“Well, he was dead set against you talking to Jake. Maybe if he let you think Jake didn’t want to be in Lennon’s life that it would give him more time to make you fall in love with him.”
“That’s crazy. You’re sounding like Jake and it’s just not true. Besides, if Jeff was so desperate to have my love, why isn’t he here now? Better yet, why would he tell Jake right before our wedding if he really wanted to be with me?”
“Those are good questions, Katie, but I have one even better.”
“What’s that,” I frown, only half listening because a car is barreling around us, going at least ninety. This idiot is one reason while I don’t like driving on the interstate at all.
“I’m just wondering why when I asked you who held the biggest part of your heart, you automatically began talking about Jake and not the man you were about to marry not so long ago.”
Her words feel like a physical blow. It’s like the pain hits so strongly that my heart feels as if it stops beating. Shit, my mind did go to Jake first. I was marrying Jeff. I should have thought of him first…Right?
“Oh, God,” I whisper, shame, fear, and this deep-seated feeling of inevitability hits me.
“It’s okay, honey. The heart wants what the heart wants,” she says, patting my hand.
“Mom!”
“Honey, it will all work—”
“No! Hold on, that car that passed us isn’t stopping. He’s going to hit the truck that’s stopped because of traffic,” I explain. I slam on my brakes and swerve into the far lane since it’s free. I fight with the wheel but just as I think I might avoid the wreck altogether, the car in front of me turns sideways like it’s trying to hit the cement divider of the lane. Then, it goes into a slide as if they pulled their emergency brake. All at once it’s facing me and aimed directly at my passenger side.