“I’m sorry, Lennon, buddy. I completely forgot it,” Jake apologizes.
“They have the best. It tastes like ice cream,” Lennon moans, unintentionally digging in the guilt I see on Jake’s face. A bitch would let that guilt fester, but this is my son, and I’m forced to take the high road.
“I can go and get some,” Jake says, already reaching for his hat.
Shock hits me, and I know my eyes widen as I realize that he’s completely serious. The Jake I remember would have told Lennon to suck it up. I sigh. Maybe he really is serious about being a part of Lennon’s life.
“It has vanilla in it,” I interrupt with a wink. “I have some in the fridge.”
“You do?” Jake and Lennon respond together, and I’m not sure which one looks more hopeful.
“Yeah,” I laugh. I go and get it and grab a spoon dishing some out right on top of the pancake Lennon has already put on his plate.
“Awesome,” Lennon breathes. “You’re the best, Mom.” I ruffle his hair and put the whipped cream back in the fridge.
I can feel Jake’s eyes on me, and when I look up, I see frustration on his face and tightness that betrays the fact that he’s upset. God, I can’t handle this.
Can’t today be over already?
CHAPTER 11
Jake
If a year ago—or even a week ago—someone had told me I’d have fun going school shopping with a seven-year-old, I would have laughed at them and called them a liar. Yet, I’ve spent the day going to store after store with Katie and Lennon and I’ve done it smiling. The first couple of stores were merely for school supplies and backpacks and other gear. I didn’t see the point in going to three different stores, but when I questioned Katie, she said you get the best deals for some things at different stores. I wanted to point out time, gas, and fatigue should have value, but I held my tongue.
In the end, it was worth it. Lennon had a ball, and I spent time getting to know him. For instance, my son’s—my son’s—favorite color is green now. Katie assures me that changes almost daily—which, since it was yellow yesterday, I already know. Still, it’s awesome to know. Lennon did inform me that he didn’t like pink cause pink is for girls. I laughed, but I agreed with him. The boy could have told me that he thought the grass was orange and I wouldn’t have argued a bit. I tried to pay for all the supplies, but Katie wouldn’t let me. In the end, I paid half, and she agreed to that. She did it grudgingly, though.
We’re currently shopping for clothes. There’s no way I’m not going to pay for all of it. I figure it might be a fight, but the way I look at it, I have seven years of buying things for Lennon that I need to catch up on.
“Mommy, I didn’t get my Pikachu shirt. I’ve got to have it. All my friends have one. Archer has two!”
“Lennon, we’re at the checkout lane. Those shirts are all the way in the back of the store. We can pick one up later. I still have to go over to the pharmacy counter to pick up Grandma Hazel’s medicine, and they’re about to close. You have that one outfit for your first day. We’ll pick up the Pikachu our next visit,” Katie tries to compromise.
“But, Mommy! Archer and I want to wear matching shirts. Please?”
I watch as Katie looks over at the pharmacy counter and then down at her watch. I see the worry on her face, and I frown.
Is this what being a single parent is like?
She looks so torn, and I’ve been trying to tread lightly because I don’t want to give Katie a reason to try and shut me out of Lennon’s life. I know I need to prove that I’m in this for the long haul when it comes to Lennon. I don’t like that I must prove it, but I know it’s necessary just the same.
“How about I take Lennon to get the shirt, and you can go to the pharmacy. We can meet you back at the checkout registers?” I suggest.
Katie looks up at me in surprise. I see the hesitation on her face. It burns inside of me that she thinks I can’t be trusted with my own child. I want to yell at her that she has no right to judge me. All of them kept Lennon’s true paternity a secret from me. They fucking lied to me. Mybrotherlied to me—the man I thought I could trust above all others. Fuck, he was the man that I was willing to lose Katie to because I knew he’d give her thelife I wasn’t cut out for. All that, and then he turned around and stuck a fucking knife in my back.
I’m glad he’s gone. I don’t want to see him again.
Katie frowns, but before she can turn me down, I hold up my hand—while simultaneously doing my best to hide my rage.
“I promise I won’t let him out of my sight. We’ll be fine. Go get Miss Hazel’s medicine and let me do this one small thing. We may have issues, but you know I’d rather cut off my right hand than let anything happen to Lennon.”
She studies me, her eyes sad. “I know.” She leans down to kiss the top of Lennon’s head. “Just pick out one, mister. We’re on a budget here.”
“Okay, Mommy.”
“I can see a line from here, but I’ll try to hurry,” she says, looking at me.
“We’re fine.” She smiles, although it doesn’t reach her eyes, and walks away.