Hell, maybe she’d chase my bastard brother down.
He’d enjoy that. He’d probably even throw it in my face. Maybe I need to show him that he is the second choice and always has been…
CHAPTER 10
Katie
I don't know who Jake is trying to fool. Maybe he thinks I’m still the lovestruck, stupid fool that I always was for him. I’m not. My blinders were stripped away the day Jake stopped taking my calls and left me a letter that ripped out my heart. It killed me at the time, but it’s just an aching sadness inside of me now. I hoped one day that I’d be able to get over Jake completely, but if he keeps insisting on being a part of Lennon’s life, I’m not sure that’s going to happen. He’ll always be in my face, opening old wounds.
Jake has a right to be mad. I kept Lennon a secret for three years, before I worked up the nerve to let Jake know. I thought I was keeping the secret for him, but maybe it was for me too. If I wasn’t enough for Jake, I didn’t want him to be with me just because of the baby.
God, that sounds fucking petty and selfish. I mean, it’s not as cut and dry as it sounds, but there’s definitely some truth in it.
The point is, I see the anger boiling beneath the surface every single time he looks at me. Jake’s trying hard to play nice, but I don’t trust him. I’m a country girl, and you learn from an early age not to turn your back on a snake because it will strike when you least expect it.
It doesn’t help that I’d rather be hog-tied and beaten than spend the day with Jake. This is for Lennon, though. I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t have a relationship with his father.
I look over at my nightstand and frown. Jake will be here soon and all I’ve managed to accomplish is a shower. My gaze lingers on my cell lying there. I want to pick it up and call Jeff again so badly that it’s hard to resist–but I do.If he can walk away without a word, he’s just like his brother. Maybe it’s time I learn that I deserve better than the crap the Ryan boys keep dishing my way.
With a sigh, I push my thoughts out of my head. How many times have I given myself a pep talk about just moving forward? I’ve lost count. I thought I was done. I thought I had found happiness.
I was wrong.
I’m here.
Alone.
I quickly finish getting ready. The urge to make myself up is there, but I ignore it. I pull my hair back in a ponytail. I use the bare minimum of makeup and slide on some cut-off jeans and a Texas Longhorn’s T-shirt. I’m a mom taking her kid out for the day. Today has nothing to do with Jake Ryan other than I’m forced to share air with him.
And my son.
That leaves me feeling raw, but I’m going to ignore it for now–or at least try. I go into the living room where I left Mom watching her morning news show earlier. I try never to watch the news. It’s usually nothing but depressing. I like to operate under the whole if-I-don’t-know-it’s-better scenario. It’s probably not smart, but so far, living my life like an ostrich, with my head buried in the sand, has served me well.
“You look lovely, dear.”
“You do, Mommy! You’re pretty!”
I laugh. “You two are good for my ego. I laid your clothes out on your bed, Lennon. Go get dressed. Jake will be here with breakfast soon, and you need to be ready so we can get our day started.”
“Jake’s coming?” Lennon asks, sounding excited. My heart stutters in my chest.
God, I hope I’m doing the right thing.
“Yep. So, no girls’ bathroom for you. Now, go get dressed.”
“Alright!”
I watch him run from the room. When I look up, my grandmother is staring at me, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the worry in her eyes.
“I’m okay, Mom.”
“Don’t give me that. I know how much you love that boy.”
“Loved. I loved Jake once. That’s over. Besides, today isn’t about him. It’s about giving Lennon a chance at having his father in his life. That’s it.”
“How many times are you going to say that to yourself before you finally believe it, baby?”
“Mom–”