I know what Rain offers me. Light, family, sanctuary, protection and light. But most of all, the one thing I’ve wanted since I was stolen,freedom.
With Daein, I have such little freedom, if any at all.
And my soul craves it. I yearn for it.
The mere thought of having my own life floods me with excitement and dreadful chills of fear. I don’t know what I will do with myself.Howto live freely.
I’m sure there’s a learning curve to it. After all, I might have been freed as a slave the day Daein married me, but have I ever really been freed? No. I am still trapped, under watch all the time, managed constantly, followed and tracked wherever I go—even in the castle.
I might as well still be a slave.
That’s the truth of it, no matter how cold it feels.
But warmth comes to me when I think of the now-ash letter.
And though I haven’t made up my mind yet, I know in my heart that it’s exactly what Iwant. But it means leaving it all behind.
Daein, my marriage, my daughter…
Then stepping into a world of a different race of fae who I have only figured out to a small degree, and hoping that I can trust them. Of course, they can’t lie like the dokkalves can. So I should be able to trust Rain’s letter.
With a sigh, I let my head fall back on the feathery pillow and look up at the painted ceiling. Daein slides in closer, his mouth finding the dip of my collarbone. Sleep clings to him as he kisses me there, his hold on me tightening.
I blink away the tears from my eyes before I touch my hand to my belly. I’ve made sure that—now he’s off the seed—I have had my fill of him. Enough to guarantee pregnancy between a kinta and a dokkalf.
But still…
Just in case…
I turn into him. And I take more.
14
APRIL
The courtyard embraces an early chill that reminds me of home—the home of the humans I once belonged to. The prickle of my skin beneath the thick fabric of my riding coat whisks me back to those cruel cold times that I would venture out of the farmhouse and into the village to tend to the books, pay our family’s taxes, and gather up supplies.
It was a different time then, and even more in this very moment. Because back then, when I would go down to the village in the cold, I would return home.
This time, I will not be coming back.
Of course if my husband knew this, learned of my plans to flee, he would never let me leave. But he is a fool and places his trust in me. He supposes the tie of our marriage, the blending of the lands, and my child (as well as the one growing in my belly) keep me tethered to him and this castle.
They don’t. Not anymore.
And yet, as I watch three of his guards climb up onto the carriage, dressed for battle, I do find myself hesitating … just a little.
I wait in the courtyard, Daein beside me, his hand relaxed on the nape of my neck. His thumb lazily caresses my skin as he watches the carriage being prepared for me.
He knows that I’m stalling—and he would be right in his guess that I am waiting for Ensley to come see me off. I’ve been waiting a while already.
In my daughter’s mind, I’ll be gone for a week or so. Not the forever I intend on. But a week is still the longest I will have been away from her, and still, she doesn’t come to the courtyard to wish me farewell.
With a sigh that ribbons out of me, one that is defeated and tells Daein that I can’t wait any longer, I look down at the pinched buttons of my coat. Already, the swell of my belly is noticeable, and clearly not from an overindulgence of food.
I lost one daughter already. I won’t lose this child within me to the same fate.
I’m numb as Daein adds pressure to the nape of my neck, turning me into him. He meets me halfway, our bodies aligned, and brings his mouth down to mine.