Clearing my throat, a million scenarios run through my head, and I settle on the first time. “On our wedding night, we’d hardly been dating for two months. I had trepidations about going through with the wedding, the marriage, but Mason insisted. He promised everything would be great.” Swallowing, I need a second before I can start again. “I was a virgin. Barely even kissed a boy before. Mason told me it was okay if I wasn’t ready on our wedding night, that we could wait until I was more comfortable. It gave me some relief. I felt like we were still getting to know each other.”
Holding up a hand, I quietly ask for patience as Lauren hands me my water glass, and I take a large gulp. “Take your time, Laken.” The judge’s kind words bring tears to my eyes. Tears I’ve been trying to valiantly keep at bay.
“None of it was true. Mason never meant a word he said. He wasn’t patient. He wasn’t kind. Mason was brutal, unrelenting, and so, so furious. He took from me when I said no. He forced himself on me whenever he felt like it, from the evening we got married until the day I left.” I don’t know where the power comes from to give voice to what I’ve been holding in for so long, but I’m grateful to finally have the strength to convey it. To tell the world what kind of a monster Mason Miller truly is.
“Firstly, allow me to say how tremendously sorry I am to hear and view the atrocities forced upon you. No one, man or woman, should ever have to live in that kind of fear with someone who is supposed to honor and cherish them.” Relief begins to swamp me, and I can almost feel freedom.
Almost.
“However, there are very few instances where you reported the abuse to the proper authorities. Because of this, I will require another hearing where you are present. A filing has been given to Miss Shay with the details of the divorce proceedings as well as the items Mr. Mason is asking for and willing to part with.” I am given no chance to retort or refuse to appear. I have no choice but to go back, and I don’t know if I have the strength to do that.
Four
HALE
What the hell happened?
Five years ago.
Dumbstruck, I stare at my girlfriend of four years as she continues to pack her bags. “What about Jesse?” Our three-year-old son was a surprise neither of us expected, and I didn’t think we regretted him one bit. At least, I know I fucking haven’t. Jesse is the sweetest damn kid I’ve ever met.
“You’ll still be here. And I’m not leaving forever, just for a while. I need space. I need to figure out who I am again.” Four years older than me, I thought for damn sure Cassidy had a handle on her life. As a paralegal in a law firm for almost a decade now, I had no idea she even contemplated wanting more.
More than Jesse and me.
Our son is my spitting image. From his dark, shaggy hair to his bright blue eyes, square jawline, and long fingers, you’d recognize he was my son from a mile away. He’s loveable and quiet and smart as a whip. I don’t understand what the hell is going through her head right now to be able to do this to us, to him.
“What the hell are you going to do?” I’m already five steps ahead of her. I don’t care where she goes, but she won’t be doing it on my fucking dime. Using the app on my phone, I cancel all the cards we share or any of mine she has access to. Thankfully, our bank accounts have always been separate, so I don’t need to worry about her getting ahold of my money.
Throwing up her hands, Cass glares at me, showing a side to the woman I’ve never seen before. “Look, Hale, what we had was always fun and kind of special. Jesse was…an accident. Albeit a happy one, however, not one I’d have chosen for myself. You’re a great dad. I’m a mediocre mom. And we were never meant to be together. I’m unhappy, and I want more...or rather less. I want to travel and sleep with hot Italian guys and fawn over Greek gods. I don’t want to be straddled down for the rest of my life.” Too stunned to respond, I can only stare as she smiles at me, thinking I get it. “You understand, right?”
“Not even a fucking little bit. You want to leave, fine, but don’t think you can come back, and we’ll be here waiting for you. And don’t think for a second you can pop in and out of his life whenever it’s convenient for you. I won’t let you fuck him up.” If I have my way, she won’t be around him longer than it takes to say goodbye.
Three years later.
“Hey, Dad! Watch this!” I turn my head just in time to see Jesse tackle my brother Torque at the knees as they roll around in the grass together.
“Great job, bud!” He grins as he sits on his uncle’s chest triumphantly. If not for my younger brother, I’m not sure what I would have done over the past three years since Cassidy left. As soon as I told him what had happened, he moved in with me. As a fellow first responder, he understands what it’s like to be on the job. Even if he is a firefighter like our old man.
Torque is Jesse’s best friend. They’re constantly getting into shit together, staying up too late to play video games, and eating as much junk food as possible before I discover it and give them both shit. Not that I don’t join in from time to time.
We have regular Mario Kart nights that nobody misses, even if they fall on different days nearly every week. We do family dinners every other week with my parents and some of the guys at my station, and when they can, some of Torque’s firefighter pals too. I do all I can to give Jesse everything he needs, but frankly, I don’t know if it’s enough anymore.
Cassidy comes by to spend Thanksgiving with us, and one week a summer, she rents a room in some swanky hotel, and they lounge around together and visit. She left for the summer three weeks ago, and Jesse hasn’t been his typical happy self. At six, he shouldn’t be worried about whether his mother loves him or not. I’m sure she does, in her own way, but it’s a way that is beginning to hurt him.
“You have that look, son.” Glancing up at Pop, I see him watching me from across the picnic table, sizing me up.
“What look?” I know what he’s talking about, but I’d rather deny it. For now.
“The one that says all hell is about to break loose like when that asshole tackled Torque in high school and broke his leg in three places.” His brows raise as he smirks.
“He fell.” I never admitted what I did to Brody Parker, but everyone knows. When he fell off the bleachers after the game that one night—after my brother had been through the first of four surgeries to fix his hip, femur, and knee—I had gone back to the game. Confronted Parker when I found him kissing on Torque’s girl at the time and tossed his ass over. Broke his shoulder and collarbone and gave him a concussion. He never played ball again. I still have no remorse because what he did to Tor was intentional and calculated. He deserved everything he got and more.
“Right.” He winks like he believes me. We’ve kept up the charade for years, and I won’t ruin it now. “You want Cass to stop coming around, don’t you?” I don’t need to respond for him to understand. My parents spend just as much time with Jesse as I do. They know everything about him. “I noticed it last week when we went to that ball game. He didn’t love it like he normally does. Whatever you decide, we’ll be here to support you.”
All I need to do now isdecide.
Like it’s so fucking easy.