Pressing a flat palm to the area, I try to rub it away, hoping the pressure will disappear and let me breathe normally again. It doesn’t work.
He takes a sip of his coffee and raises his eyebrows at me. “Black, one brown sugar. You remembered.”
“You’re hard to forget.” He gives me a delighted smile, and I realize what I’ve said. My face begins to heat, and I want to run. Never to return, and he must sense it because he reaches across the table to hold the top of my hand. Not forcing me to stay—I could easily escape his grasp—but asking without words to keep him company. “You looked exhausted. I thought it would be a nice gesture.”
“Oh, it was, and I appreciate it very much, Laken.” He says my name far more sensually than necessary, and I think it’s on purpose. “Have dinner with me tonight?”
I blink rapidly, unprepared for that question. “She will,” I hear Lauren say from behind me. Swiveling my head, I glare at the woman. I don’t know if I’m ready to date yet. Let alone someone with such an aggressive career. “You can pick her up at six.”
I’m about to protest and raise hell with Lauren for being so forward when Hale gets to his feet, leans across the table, kissing my cheek, and whispers, “I look forward to it,” before he’s gone in an instant.
“What did you just do?” I snap the heated question at Lauren. There’s no denying my attraction to Hale, and I fail at hiding it from her, Ophelia, and even Andrea, but it doesn’t mean I’m ready to get back out there again. I don’t know if I ever will be.
“Honey.” Lauren places a comforting hand on my shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a meal with another person.”
Running my hands through my hair, my frustration grows. She doesn’t get it. None of them do. They weren’t in a marriage like mine. “Except there is. I don’t want to lead him on. I can’t be on the receiving end of that again.”
Striding away, I head inside, straight to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. I’m so glad they don’t understand, not as inherently as I do, but I wish they’d stop pushing me. Lauren especially. I know she means well, but the idea of being alone with a man, intimate with one, terrifies me in a way that even I don’t fully comprehend.
Leaning over the sink and closing my eyes, I breathe. In and out. Inhale, exhale. For a full minute until I feel myself calming down again. Until I can think without a cloud of fear hanging over my head, and the ringing in my ears stops. Until I can stop shaking.
It’s not so much that Hale, specifically, scares me, it’s his entire gender. Mason ruined me in so many ways, and I hate him for it. I’ve never hated another human being before, but the pure rage I feel towards the manipulative asshole is overwhelming. And after the hearing, knowing I must return to Seattle, to see him face to face again, I’m unsure if I can do it. If I can sit there, knowing what he’s done to me, and tell the truth without him retaliating.
I’m perplexed by what he could possibly want from me in the divorce since I never brought anything into the marriage, and I certainly don’t want anything from him. Not money nor property. Nothing. Other than to be left alone.
Six
LAKEN
What am I doing?
Iwas determined not to go through with this date. To cancel on him or stand him up. So I don’t know why I’m sitting on the front porch in a cute sundress covered in blue wildflowers and white wedge sandals on my feet. I came home from work and laid in bed for an hour before getting up and showering, all the while talking myself out of going yet still getting ready for Hale.
Every time I thought about turning him away when he showed up, I kept imagining the disappointed look in his gorgeous blue eyes and knew I couldn’t tell him no. There’s something about this man that has me entranced. I’m not sure if it’s the easy way he smiles or the fact he shows up during every shift and stays for as long as possible, or maybe it’s because he’s never pressured me.
I. Don’t. Know.
But I wish I did.
I wish I had the confidence to ask, to be as forward as some of the women I often see while I people watch on the boardwalk. I wish for so many things in my life, none of which I’ll experience anytime soon.
“Deep in thought?” Startled at Hale’s smooth voice, I jump to my feet, eyes scanning for the quickest exit out of habit, until I see him raise his hands and step back. “Didn’t mean to scare ya. Again.”
Blowing out the breath I’ve been holding, I count to ten before responding. “I didn’t hear you come up.”
“I’ll wear a bell next time.” His eyes crinkle in the corner as he smiles, and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from sighing.
What is he doing to me?
Stepping forward, Hale reaches out slowly and pulls the tender flesh free of my teeth, a glazed look in his eyes. “Don’t wanna bruise that. Not yet.” He smirks as I gasp, brushing his thumb gently across my lower lip and slipping in closer. “I really want to kiss you. Have since the moment I laid eyes on you, but you’re not ready yet. I can see that. Hell, a blind man could. Just know, I have the patience of a saint. I’ll wait for as long as you need me to.”
Trailing the fingers of that same hand down the column of my throat, across my shoulder, and along the length of my bare arm, he loosely clasps our fingers together before lifting my hand to his mouth and kissing the inside of my wrist.
Why?
Why couldn’t I have met him first?
Hale Decker is the exact kind of man I’ve always dreamed of calling my own.