Max nods his head. “I’ll be honest, I don’t know much, but I do know you lost your mom and sister, and I’m really sorry about that. It’s a horrible thing to lose people so close to you like that.”
I nod. “It’s this life, you know? There are lots of benefits, but they come with a lot of risk and danger.” I shudder thinking about how I might have lost Papa and Rocco today, too. “It’s not worth it, you know?”
Max nods. “Yeah. I’ve had the same thought about a million times. But we don’t get to choose. We just inherit shit.”
“Yeah…” I manage a half-smile for him. “And Sloane, she’s okay with that?”
He shrugs. “Nah, but she can’t get enough of the spicy Italian sausage. I can’t blame her.”
I giggle and give him a punch in the shoulder. “You guys and your sausages.”
“You know you like it. Don’t play like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
Heat rises into my cheeks, and I curl my toes in my flip-flops. Damn, they’re really freaking cold. I could use some of that heat in my feet right about now.
It’s a first for me. I don’t usually make kills in workout wear and flip-flops. It’s a lot more comfortable, if I’m being honest. Sneakers would have made it even better.
“I know he really cares about you. He’s a good guy. Not the top enforcer, though. I don’t give a fuck what Nico says.”
“Don’t be jealous. It’s not a good color for you.”
Max flashes a crooked grin. “Hey, listen, I’ll make the call to his family. You go see your Pops, okay?”
I nod and hand him the phone. “Thank you,” I whisper. “For everything.”
He winks at me and waves the phone. “No need to thank me. It’s what we do for family, Kat.”
I have to bite my lip to keep it from quivering as I open the door to Papa’s room. Jesus, I used to be so cold, so tough. What the hell happened to me? Is this really what love does to you? Makes you all fucking soft and…blech…emotional?
The door creaks open and Papa’s eyes flutter open. “Katarina,” he mumbles, his voice thick with fatigue. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, Papa. I’m fine.” I lean over the side of the bed and put my hands over his bandaged ones. “How are you feeling?”
“Eh. I’ve had better days.” He turns his head slightly to look at me, his eyes crinkling in the corners. “But we won.”
“This time,” I murmur, dropping my eyes to the white bed sheet.
“Katarina, I’m so sorry for not being honest with you about what happened. I was afraid it would drive you away when I needed to keep you close. Safe. Protected.”
“I carried so much guilt for the past eight years, Papa. I blamed myself. I thought you blamed me, too, and that’s why you wouldn’t talk to me. I knew I was a constant reminder of them being gone, especially Lili. I just wish—” I grit my teeth as a single tear slips from the corner of my eye.
Goddammit. Here we go again.
“I should have been honest with you, but you were so angry. I was afraid of what you’d do if you knew the truth about what really happened, and that I’d lose you, too. It was wrong. All of it. And I regret my decisions every day that goes by. I took what didn’t belong to me, and I paid the price. We all did.” He raises a hand to my face. “I hate myself for that,” he croaks. “I was hungry and could never get my fill of anything that fed my power. The consequences…” He pauses, his blue eyes pooling with tears. “Were dire. But I gambled anyway. And lost almost everything in the process.”
“I just can’t believe I didn’t see it. Alexi… He was like a brother to me. You took him in, cared for him like he was your own, and he was going to kill us!”
“I destroyed his life. I deserved to be punished. I kept him away from his family, I threatened that if they tried to contact him, I’d kill him.” Papa lets out a deep sigh. “And all of it was to protect you. Alexi was the leverage I needed to keep you alive, but after Raines…” He sighs. “I told you there would be hell to pay after that.”
“Yeah, well, you were right about that.” I pick at the edge of the sheet. “I need you to agree to something. Right here. Right now.”
“Anything.”
“You promise that you’ll always be honest with me, no matter what. You need to promise that you won’t just leave me again, that you’ll always be here for me. Because…” My throat tightens, and I swallow hard past the growing lump that’s managed to lodge itself there. “Because I can’t lose you, too, okay? I almost did. I almost lost so much today.”
“I know. And I do promise you…all of it. Everything.”
“And starting next year, we need a new birthday tradition, okay? No more of you running away, got it? We will deal with things together, like a real family.”