“You’re pretty funny, you know that?”
I snicker. “Well, I’ve had to entertain you a lot recently. Luckily, you appreciate my brand of humor.”
“Trust me, it’s not the only thing I appreciate.”
My breath hitches. Dammit, why can’t I just keep it together? Why do I have to fall more in love with every cute thing he says? Who even knows if there’s anything behind it? And a tiny part of me is just waiting for him to bail out on the benefit. It’s too real for him. He always flaked out when things got too real…and that’s when I’d be left with the shattered heart.
Not him, me.
There always seemed to be a line of dipshit girls with porn-star bodies waiting around for their chance to take him for a test drive. It never went farther than that, but it still singed my insides every time I’d see one or two or three of them draped all over him.
I’m not over all of that. I want to be, but his grip on me is more like a chokehold.
Today, I’m his sanity.
Tomorrow, who knows what he’ll need?
Or whom he’ll beat to a pulp?
Pete’s bruised face flashes in front of my eyes, and my stomach churns.
“Look, Sloane, I know I messed things up between us before, and I get why you’re not ready to strip down for me right here and now. I don’t deserve it.”
I roll my eyes at him and let out a deep sigh. “So what’s changed, Max? What makes this the right time? Because the way I see it, your priorities haven’t changed. ‘Business’ is at the top. It always has been. It’s why things fell apart between us years ago, the first time we tried to do something about...” I wave my hands around. “Whatever this thing between us is. You’d get a call or a text and just leave me in the lurch. I never got the courtesy of an explanation. And I don’t even want to go back to what happened on Thanksgiving, the second time things blew up between us. You’d offer some lame, evasive excuse, and that’s not what I’m looking for. I want more. I want someone who puts me first. Can you even do that?” Jesus, those words definitely woke my ass up. I didn’t even realize they’d tumbled from my mouth until it was too late. I take a deep breath. They’d been buried for far too long. And whatever his reaction turns out to be, at least I’ll know I was finally honest with him.
He should have heard all of that a long time ago, but better late than never.
I stare out the windshield. I don’t know if I want to see his reaction to all of that. It may mean this is over…not that we ever really got started.
“Sloane, my business…it’s really important to me. I have a lot of responsibilities, and my actions impact a lot of people.”
“That’s great,” I snap. “My ‘business’ is really important to me, too, but I want more out of life than just pride in my work. I take care of tons of people, and I’m damn good at it, but it’s not my whole life.”
“That’s the thing, Sloane.” He pulls into the parking lot of a nearby diner and swings the car into an empty spot. Actually, they’re all empty at this hour. “This job is my life. I didn’t ask for it to be, and I don’t always love it, but I was grandfathered into it. I don’t have the luxury of choosing a different career path. This is it for me.” He cups my chin and turns my face toward him. “But I have this problem…”
I grit my teeth, trying so hard to be angry with him, to hate him so that I can preserve my fragile heart. But his dark eyes beckon me, drawing me into their depths where I know I can so easily and blissfully float away without a second thought. “What would that be?”
“You,” he murmurs, his fingertips stroking the side of my face. “You’re the problem. I know I should stay away, but I just can’t.”
I hate him. I have to hate him! But God, I really hate that I can’t stop myself from falling more in love with him right now.
I’m so done. Sucked in. Completely captivated.
And let’s not forget royally screwed.
My eyes float closed. I don’t even know who he is…really and truly. He throws me a few crumbs, and I lick them up, wishing and praying for more until he shuts down, like he always does. I know what comes next, but it’s always devastating.
Why do I put myself through this?
He continues to caress my face with his fingers, his breath like feathers fluttering against my cheek. “Max,” I whisper.
“Yeah?”
“I…” My eyes float open. “I can’t be cast aside again. I’m not your toy, something you play with for a little while until you get bored of it and go out looking for something more exciting.”
“Okay, first, I could never get bored playing with you.” He smirks, tracing the outline of my jaw. “And second, I’m open to playing with toys and any other kinky shit you’re into. Just so we’re on the same page.”
I swat at his arm. “I’m not joking around.”