“I love you, man,” Max grumbles, clasping Nico’s shoulder. “Even though you’re a walking fucking disaster these days. How’s your pops?”
Nico rubs the back of his neck. His eyes are heavy and sad, his face drawn like he hasn’t slept in weeks.
And I know he really hasn’t.
He won’t sleep again until this war ends.
“Not good. There’s a lot of internal damage, but he’s too weak for them to operate on again. As it is, he went into cardiac arrest during the surgery.”
“So now what? We just wait?” Max’s voice rises. “They can’t do anything else?”
“Not right now.” Nico’s fingers lace with mine. “Guys, I need to talk to Shaye for a minute.” Before waiting for them to even acknowledge his words, he’s pulling me toward an open corridor. I walk fast, trying to keep up with him. Once we’re alone, he backs me against the wall and leans down, so close his warm breath flutters against my cheeks. Pain is etched into his features, anger glimmering in the depths of his soul.
He tightens his grip on my hands, squeezing them as I wait for him to speak. He’s riddled with guilt and the fear of what comes next, I can feel it. It hangs in the air between us, just like the pending doom that’s been overshadowing our lives over the past few months.
“You were right, babe. I waited too long, and now my dad may not…he may not make it. I put him here. I fucked up, and now I have one shot to make things right.”
“I know you will, Nico. The guys are waiting for your direction. Just keep focused. You’ll make this right, babe. Max and Rocco have your back, and they’re ready to—"
He shakes his head. “No,” he whispers. “I have to do this by myself. This was a personal strike, babe. He wants me. I can’t risk anyone else’s life. I’ve already got too much blood on my hands.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” The blood coursing through my veins morphs into ice, snaking around my insides and slicing through my heart. I shake my head. “N-no! I never meant for you to do this on your own! It would be suicide! You have no idea what you’d be walking into!” I pull my hands away from his and grip his jacket with both fists. “Nico, please listen to me. It’s okay to need help.” My voice shakes, desperation weaving its way into my pleas. “They’re here to help you. Please let them go with you, Nico. Don’t be a hero. I need you, baby. My God, I need you more than you’ll ever know!”
He caresses the side of my face, his lips grazing my forehead. “You don’t need anything or anyone. That’s one of the reasons why I’m so crazy about you. That ferocity, that fire deep inside of you. It rages, Shaye. It always has. You’d jump in front of a Mack truck to save anyone you care about. You’re so loyal and strong. I love you so much. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’ve been by my side this whole time, never judging, only supporting. You knew I fucked up, but you never stopped believing in me.”
My shoulders quake as the tears silently fall. “I’m begging you not to do this,” I whisper.
“If you believe me when I say that I love you more than my life, then you know I’m going to do everything in my power to protect you. It’s my responsibility, and I’ve avoided it for too long already.”
“No, you haven’t! You’ve done everything you can to keep me safe.”
“Except face the one person with the power to yank you away from me.” He rakes a hand through his hair. “I have to do this.”
“Look, I know you need to handle him. I know you’ve just had your world rocked by this guy. But think about your mother. Think about Lily. Think about your dad! Don’t do it. Just please don’t go alone.” Another whimper escapes my lips. “How can you protect me if you’re—?” I bite back the word before it can escape my mouth, but it’s still there taunting me. My stomach clenches. “Nico, please think about this. Be smart about it. You’re upset and angry…take a little time to think about what you’re doing. Why would you do this alone? Please, Nico! Let your friends help you, for Christ’s sake!”
He shakes his head, silencing my protests with his soft lips. I squeeze my eyes shut as his warmth consumes me, pretending we’re somewhere else, anywhere else, and that this kiss is only the beginning, that any second he’s going to lay me back and tear off my clothes, that all of this is just a horrible nightmare.
But then he pulls away. I feel the loss deep within my heart and soul, and I pray to God it’s only temporary.
“This is what I have to do. Alone.” His fingers wind their way into my hair. “You’re my everything, Shaye. I’m doing this for you. For us.”
“B-but without you, there is no us!” My voice quivers, the golf ball-sized lump in my throat preventing me from taking in a deep breath. That tormenting chill has now settled into my gut and the warmth I crave, the one I need…he’s about to walk into the lion’s den with no guarantee that he’ll be coming out.
“Without you, there’s no us either.” He pulls me in tight to his chest, our hearts beating fast and furious in unison. “I love you so much, Shaye.”
I cling to him, digging my fingertips into his jacket. “Then let the guys come with you. Call Viktor. Please!”
He drops his arms and steps backward. “I can’t. This is my responsibility. Don’t be sad. Be hopeful.” He manages a small smile. “I know I am.”