“I wish you were here,” I choke on the words.
I haven’t allowed myself the luxury of self-pity, not in a long time.
Not until now.
Not until Axel.
More tears fall.
What if I am what she says?
What if I’m taking advantage of him?
Using his good nature against him?
My head shakes on its own.
He’s not like that.
Axel’s with me because he wants to be.
Slowly, I lower myself until I’m sitting on the ground. And I breathe.
I just breathe.
You’re okay.
You’re fine.
You’re enough just the way you are.
Keeping my eyes closed, I use the hand towel to pat at the tears streaking down my face.
I just need a minute.
Another inhale.
One more minute.
Then what?
Walk back out there looking like I just had a mental breakdown?
Walk back out there and risk running into that old bitch?
The small clutch purse still attached to my wrist vibrates with a text.
Sniffing, I drag the zipper open and pull out my phone.
Axel: Where are you?
A ball forms low in my stomach. It’s toxic and heavy and feels a whole lot like doubt.
And I hate that woman even more, because now I’m questioning us. I’m questioning him.
Is he giving up on his own dreams by being with me?
A new set of tears trail down my cheeks.