I glance around, “It seemed like a good location. Close enough that it wouldn’t take long to get here, but not so close that someone could easily follow me home without me noticing.”
A crease forms between his eyes, “That’s not what I meant, but tell me you weren’t planning on getting a ride home from one of those apps.”
His tone is just shy of scolding, and his disapproval feels like a pinch to my side.
I press my lips together, not sure how to answer since that’s exactly what I was planning to do. I know ride share apps have their faults, but I just wanted one night of cutting loose. And that means I needed a ride.
Axel sighs, clearly understanding my non-answer. “I’ll drive you home tonight.”
My eyes widen, “You don’t have to do that.”
“I do have to do that, Baby Doll. So don’t bother arguing with me.”
“Oh, um, okay,” I murmur.
Gah! What is it with this man? I shouldn’t be agreeing to this. Or telling him about my business. But I just can’t help myself.
Not wanting to discuss my bad decision making further, I change the topic. “What did you mean before, then? About coming here?”
The tension in his face softens, “I meant why are you here for a date with someone you don’t really know?”
A sense of failure tries to fill my lungs.
Because I’m tired of being lonely.
Because I want someone to hug me.
Because I want to know that there’s someone – anyone – that might love me the way I want to be loved.
But I can’t say any of that, so I go with the easy answer. “Because I want a boyfriend.”
Axel’s expression is unmoved, and I have a feeling he knows I’m not telling the whole truth.
My hands drop into my lap and my shoulders roll forward. “I’m not good at talking to people. At work it’s one thing, ya know? It’s transactional and short-term. But dating?” I grimace. “It’s terrifying. And when you’ve lived in the same small town your whole life, and work in that same town, it’s hard to meet new people. So online seemed like the best bet.”
“I can understand that. But why not wait until you’ve gotten to know someone more before agreeing to meet them? You said that you and Brian had hardly talked. There are some bad guys out there, Baby, you need to be careful.”
A twist of emotions fills my chest at his look of concern, but I stamp it down. If I start getting teary eyed sitting here in a bar, I’ll never recover.
Under the table, I tap my toe against the linoleum floor. “My best friend is getting married in a month and I need a plus one.”
“She’s making you bring a date?” Axel’s affronted tone almost makes me laugh.
“No, I just… I don’t want to be alone.”
My eyes lower to look at the table.
I meant to say that I don’t want togoalone. But maybe this is one of those Freudian slips I heard about in Psych Class, because I don’t want tobealone is the real answer to his questions.
Shit, this is embarrassing.
Snagging my glass, I pick it up and quickly suck down my cocktail, knowing damn well I don’t need a single sip more but not able to face the overall mortification of tonight without it.
“Maddie.” Axel’s voice is so soft and kind, it nearly breaks me.
“I’m not sad.” I whisper the words to myself.
How could I forget that getting drunk doesn’t just make me talkative, it makes me weepy.