Elouise
Grumbling,I give the cabinet door an extra hard tug.
I shouldn’t be mad at the cupboard, it’s not like this is new behavior. This same door has been getting stuck since I was tall enough to reach it.
Snagging my Darling Elementary travel mug off the shelf, I set it in the designated cup spot and hit brew on my coffee maker. I don’t always bring coffee with me to class, usually the two cups I have while getting ready for the day are enough. But this morning I need all the caffeine I can get.
After catching Beckett’s gaze last night, I literally ran to my car. I don’t really know why. I guess some part of me was worried he might get up from his cozy table and chase me down.
He did not.
I even watched my rearview mirror the whole five-minute drive home, but no one followed me.
It took me hours of pacing, and worrying, and feeling sick to my stomach, to realize that Beckett wouldn’t just magically show up. Because he doesn’t know where I live. Or, well, he doesn’t know that I live here again.
After college, I moved back to the Twin Cities and worked at a couple of schools. But four years ago, I saw an opening in Darling Lake and I applied.
I wasn’t sure if I’d want to move back to the little town I grew up in, but walking back into my old school for the interview I felt the connection I’d always been looking for. So, I took the job. And when, two years later, my parents decided to sell their house to live the RV lifestyle I decided to buy it from them.
I know everything there is to know about this house. It’s close to work. And now it’s mine.
Glancing around the kitchen, I see all the projects that I’ve wanted to do since moving in but that doesn’t make me love it any less.
The three-bedroom, two-bathroom house was built in the mid-80’s and still has all of the original finishes. Orangey oak cabinets, doors, and trim throughout. Scuffed wood floors. Boring off-white laminate countertops. And windows that need replacing but still let in tons of natural light.
It took a little adjusting to get used to sleeping in the master bedroom, but no way was I going to leave it empty. I’d dreamed of having an en suite bathroom my whole life and now it’s finally mine.
My coffee machine chimes, letting me know it’s done.
Hefting my bag over my shoulder I head for the door, thinking – not for the first time – that I should get a pet. Someone to say goodbye to when I leave for work.
Ten minutes. I have ten minutes until I get to school, and then it’s game time. If I walk into my classroom still in a funk over Beckett, my kids will pick up on it immediately.
I grip my wheel tighter as I back out of my driveway.
Beckett’s already consumed too much of my time. I won’t let him ruin today too.
The image of him with his arm around that woman flashes in my mind, and I squash it as I start down my street.
There are two options for what I saw last night.
First, it wasn’t what it looked like. That there’s some sort of reasonable explanation. I don’t know what the fuck that explanation could be, but I suppose the world of probabilities says there’s a chance.
The second, and more likely scenario, is that he’s a cheating piece of shit and I was complicit in his adultery.
It’s the last part that makes me want to gag.
“I’m fine.” I say it out loud, but my words are shaky, so I say it again. “I’m fine.”
Pulling up to a stop sign, I grab my phone and select the Fuck It Playlist on my phone.
GAYLE plays loudly through the speakers and I sing along with her lyrics, nearly screaming them into the interior of my car. But my mind still won’t let go of the memories.
Beckett wrapped around me.
Beckett whispering into my ear. Licking up my neck.
Beck over me. Thrusting into my mouth.
I reach forward and turn the volume up.
Time for this man to leave my thoughts once and for all.