Age 30
“Remindme again why I agreed to do this?” I ask Maddie.
“Well, for one, you’re a total sucker.”
A laugh bursts out of me, echoing in the small space. “Fair.”
“And two,” her voice comes in clearly through my car’s speakers, “You love nature.”
I groan, and flip my turn signal on, spotting the sign for the state park up ahead. “I love gardening. And sitting on my porch watching birds. I’m beginning to think that I might not love camping.”
“Fair. But didn’t you go all the time when we were kids?”
“Yeah,” I agree, “but that’s half the problem. Most of my shit is from when we were kids.”
Maddie chuckles, “Don’t tell me that you brought your My Little Pony sleeping bag.”
“No, that was too small. I brought my brother’s old bag.”
“Pray do tell, what theme did James’s have?”
I can’t help but laugh at myself. “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”
She snorts, “Those poor kids won’t even know what to do with you.”
Even though she can’t see me, I shrug, “They’re used to my bullshit.”
“Well that’s the truth.”
It really is true. A portion of the kids that are coming on this Camping Trip From Hell are students in my fourth grade class. But I’m not the only teacher here. There’s Mr. Olson, who teaches the other 4th grade class. Mr. Bob, the gym teacher. And then a bunch of parent volunteers. I didn’t read the email closely, but if memory serves the students are all 3rd, 4th and 5th graders.
As if she can hear my thoughts, Maddie asks, “Is Mr. Olson still trying to be besties with you?”
“Kinda, he asked me to call him Richard again, but I just can’t,” I sigh, and follow the signs toward the campsite we have reserved. “I feel like I’m being a bitch, but when he asked if I’d be willing to help out with this Spring Break Nature Weekend crap, I thought it was a he’s asking everyone because no one wants to do it sorta thing. But when I said yes, he acted way too happy. Like I’d said yes to a date. Not a weekend of dirt sleeping while chaperoning a herd of kids.”
“Yeah, that’s awkward,” Maddie commiserates. “What would you say if he ever did try to ask you out?”
“Ugh, I hope that never happens,” spotting the group of cars, I slow down even more, delaying the inevitable. “I mean he’s nice. And he’s cute enough. I just don’t feel that spark, ya know? There’s no excitement when I see him. Plus, I heard he’s the one that fucked up our reservation.” Maddie laughs. “I’m serious! When I agreed to this, I was told we’d be sleeping in cabins! But no, now I have to sleep my 30-year-old ass on the hard ground. In March. In fucking Minnesota.” Her laughter increases. “This isn’t funny!” I shout, knowing damn well that it is funny. “Do you have any idea how cold it’s supposed to be over the next three days?”
Maddie stops laughing long enough to answer, “Pretty damn cold.”
“Pretty damn cold,” I grumble out loud, pulling my car into an open parking spot.
“Please tell me you packed more than your brother’s sleeping bag from the 90’s.”
“I brought a whole pile of blankets that I plan to use as a mattress.”
“That’s something,” her voice is filled with fake cheer.
“Oh, fuck off.” I drop my head against the steering wheel. “I’m here.”
“You got this! It’s just three nights. And you said you’re bunking with that one mom you like.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
She chuckles again, “Alright, I’ll let you go make your burrow. Text me tomorrow to let me know how it’s going!”
“If you don’t hear from me by dinner time, send a rescue party,” I hang up and force myself to get out of the car.