‘I’ve known you forever, so yeah.’
Heidi placed her mug on the small square table tucked into the corner of the room and shook her arms out. ‘I want to get your advice about something but it’s … delicate.’
Rayne’s eyebrows rose a little. ‘You can count on me. I’m discreet.’
‘I know, but …’
What could she say?My boyfriend can’t get it up and it’s because of me?
She’d been determined not to dwell on this; it was Jem’s problem, not hers. But she’d spent a sleepless night torn between self-flagellation and self-righteousness and had finally come to a decision in the early hours of the morning.
Even if she walked away from Jem and their budding relationship, it couldn’t end like that, with him mortified and her feeling like a failure. They were too old to play games. She wanted to face him with her head held high, not like an inexperienced girl who blamed herself for everything. Surely she’d learned that much over the years?
‘Whatever it is, no judgement here.’ Rayne held up her hands. ‘If I trusted you enough to tell you about Noel and his abuse, you can tell me anything.’
The thought of the horrors her friend had endured in silence for so many years gave Heidi the push she needed. What she had to divulge was nothing on Rayne’s awful secret.
‘It’s about Jem. We took our relationship to the next level.’
‘Good for you.’ Rayne winked. ‘I’m pleased to hear the old codger can get it up at his age.’
To Heidi’s horror she burst into tears. Rayne stared at her in open-mouthed shock for a moment before reaching out to hug her.
‘I was only joking, Heids, I’m sorry. You know my crazy sense of humour.’
That’s the problem with not crying or doing your best not to. When the floodgates opened you couldn’t stop and Heidi cried more on her friend’s shoulder than she had in years.
After a minute or so her sobs petered out and she pulled back and grimaced. ‘Sorry, Rayne. I didn’t expect that.’
‘Neither did I, Heids. I need to get some new material if my jokes get that kind of reaction.’
‘It’s what you said … Jem can’t get it up.’
Confusion creased Rayne’s brow. ‘But I thought you mentioned taking it to the next level—’
‘The first night we spent together was fantastic. It took him a bit longer to get going but once we did it was great. But the other morning when I instigated sex … nothing. And he blamed me.’
‘He what?’ Rayne puffed up in outrage. ‘What an arsehole. I hope you kicked the prick out and don’t ever see him again.’
‘Actually, it wasn’t quite like that. He reacted badly, as most men probably would, and he said it hadn’t happened to him before.’
‘So he didn’t blame you?’
‘Not exactly. But I’ve always been a bit insecure in the bedroom so when he said that, I took it to mean he didn’t find me desirable enough.’
Rayne made a pfft sound. ‘Honey, you’ve been screwing guys over a decade younger than you for the last six months. Trust me, you’re desirable.’
For her friend to truly understand, Heidi had to tell her the rest. ‘Before Bert died, we hadn’t had sex in five years.’
Rayne’s mouth dropped open for the second time in as many minutes. ‘But you two appeared content?’
‘We were for the most part, but he had impotence problems too and we gave up trying after a while.’ Heat suffused her cheeks. ‘Though he could get it up to wank off to porn, which made me feel pretty damn inadequate.’
‘Oh, Heids.’ Rayne hugged her again. ‘Who knows how the male psyche works? If you ask me, those things they walk around with between their legs all day are more trouble than they’re worth.’
Heidi laughed and Rayne joined in. ‘So you’re saying you wouldn’t care if Leo couldn’t make love to you?’
That sobered up her friend. ‘Considering I feel like a new bride and we’re not even married, I would care. But I love Leo and while the sex is the best of my life, if he couldn’t perform, we’d deal with it.’