“No problem.” The waitress nodded and turned to Sunny.
“Agh, it all looks so good.” Sunny scanned the menu, flipping it over to read the back again. “Why do you have to have so many choices?”
Her exasperation had Julie laughing.
“It’s better than having only a few.” She pointed at Sunny and took a drink of her water.
“Yeah, but I want Chinese and a burger. I mean, did you see their Barrow Burger? It has ham, cheese, and an egg.” Sunny cringed. “How do I decide?”
“Well, we could share.” Julie didn’t want company, and now she was offering to share?
Would she forever try to make others happy? Did it matter? She’d wanted a burger as well, so splitting benefitted her too.
“Really?” Sunny gave Julie a skeptical look over her menu.
“Sure. I wanted a burger and fries too.”
“Okay. I’ll take a Barrow Burger, egg over easy, and a piece of cheesecake, please.” She closed her menu. “Oh, and bring my dessert first too, please.”
“Sounds good.” The waitress nodded and headed toward the kitchen.
Sunny gazed out the window, her lips pressed into a slight frown. Julie picked at the paper napkin as the fog of tension that had momentarily lifted settled back between them. She hated the unease. Hated the silence, which was ironic coming from the person who’d five minutes before just wanted to be alone.
“Why didn’t you ever come back over after Gunnar left?” Sunny’s soft question embedded the discomfort further on Julie’s skin, causing her to shiver.
How could she answer that without exposing how broken she’d been? She could just blame it on her dad moving them. That wouldn’t explain why she didn’t at least write or come by and say goodbye, but it would protect her from having to live through the heartache telling Sunny would create.
Julie looked up from the napkin she’d shredded to confetti, ready to give the lame excuse of moving and change the conversation. The look of distrust on Sunny’s face bottled those words in Julie’s throat. She couldn’t lie, not when this young woman needed the truth.
“I… I…”Julie closed her eyes and shook her head. She’d hurt Sunny’s feelings more if she lied, so she might as well spit it out. “I couldn’t. It was just too hard to be at your place, to be around you all, especially you. Gunnar’s leaving had ripped my heart out of my chest. I should have been prepared. I knew it was coming, but I wasn’t in a good place.” She sighed and shrugged at Sunny. “I guess I’d hoped Gunnar would change his mind. Not about enlisting, but about us. It was a silly hope, but one I’d let in. I loved you all, still do. Wanted to be a part of your family for real. I couldn’t handle being with you all, not back then.”
“I get that.” Sunny bobbed her straw up and down in her glass, her expression still guarded.
“When Dad announced we were moving to Valdez, I tucked tail and ran away with him. Sunny, I’m sorry. I was hurting and selfish. I never should’ve left things like I did, especially with you.”
Sunny moved her glass to the side and reached over to still Julie’s hand on her napkin. Her smile was soft and full of compassion. Relief filled Julie and allowed her to breathe, spilling a tear over her lashes.
“I forgive you.” Sunny squeezed her hand. “It had to be hard. I was just so confused why you left me too, but I understand now.”
“It wasn’t right. I really should’ve handled that better.”
Sunny snorted and rolled her eyes. “No, Gunnar shouldn’t have been a complete moron with his ‘no distractions’ nonsense.”
The way she pitched her voice low and gravelly to impersonate Gunnar cracked Julie up.
“He had his reasons.” She swept her napkin mess into a neat pile.
“Yeah? Well, now he has nothing.” Sunny shook her head, her voice pitching low. “Nothing but a lonely life and a bunch of dogs.”
Their desserts arrived, and Julie let the comment go. How could she not? The comment hit way too close to home for comfort, which struck her as ironic… and more than a little depressing.