Epilogue
Gunnar sat,his back against a picnic table, picking the label off of his soda as he watched Bjørn play croquet with Sadie and her cousin Denali’s son, Sawyer. Sadie whacked the ball and sent it bouncing across the yard. When it sailed through the little hoop in the ground, Sadie and Sawyer went crazy, jumping up and down and hugging like they’d just won the Super Bowl. Rowdy and Denali’s dog, Hank, ran around the yard in a chase, adding to the chaos.
“It was one hoop.” Bjørn threw out his arms, his head shaking in disbelief, causing Gunnar to chuckle. “You still have ten more.”
Sadie gave Sawyer one last hug, then sauntered up to Bjørn as the kid took his turn. Bjørn’s face shone with a happiness Gunnar hadn’t seen since Bjørn first got accepted into SOAR. His gaze never left Sadie, as she said something too low for Gunnar to hear. Bjørn threw his head back in a loud laugh.
The sound settled in Gunnar’s gut like he’d drunk too many colas. Once laughter and heated stares had filled his days and his dreams with happiness. Now, the memories taunted him with what he could have had. In the fifteen years since he joined the Air Force, determined to become the best pararescueman the military had seen, the memories of Julie hadn’t eased in their barrage of his thoughts.
He grunted at his self in disgust.
If he would’ve just thrown out the unopened letters from her he’d kept in his pack or deleted the email he’d saved but never read, maybe then she wouldn’t haunt him. He wouldn’t constantly wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t pushed her away to follow his dreams.
Maybe Bjørn was right. Not that Gunnar would tell his brother that. Maybe Gunnar should give Julie a call. Her father had died racing the Yukon Quest earlier that year, and some speculated whether or not she would continue racing in his stead. The articles always referenced her as Julie Sparks, her last name growing up, a fact that had all kinds of hope welling up in his heart.
“Your brother’s good for her.” Denali plopped down next to him. She smiled as Bjørn made a big fuss about Sawyer getting the ball through the hoop, throwing the kid into a round of giggles.
“She’s good for him too.” Gunnar twisted the bottle in his hands. “Sawyer’s a neat kid. Tall for an eleven-year-old.”
“Yeah. He gets that from his father.”
“Hmm. Can’t wait to see how tall he is.” Gunnar figured the man had to be at least six-five with how tall Sawyer already was.
“Yeah, well, you might be waiting a while.” Denali’s response startled Gunnar. “Sawyer’s dad plays hockey in the National Hockey League. He just got traded and probably won’t be able to visit for a while.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. He’s going to come home when he can.” Denali’s eyes widened as Drew walked through the gate. “Would you excuse me?”
She didn’t wait for an answer. Just beelined it for the house. Drew’s gaze followed her the entire way, a small smile inching his mouth up on one side.
Gunnar shook his head and turned his attention back to the game. He didn’t understand how a man could do what Sawyer’s dad had done, leave his responsibilities behind. He watched as Sawyer lined up the mallet for a hit. Gunnar would give anything to have a family around to fill the empty nights. Pain stabbed at the back of his throat.
Hypocrite.
Sure, he hadn’t left Julie pregnant, but he’d abandoned her just the same. Their love hadn’t just been a silly high school relationship. They had built it on years of friendship and trust that had grown into something he had never moved on from.
They’d both known he would go to the military. It was all he’d ever talked about. Well, that and dog sledding. But in his stupid, youthful selfishness, he’d only seen one way to get to his goal.
It wasn’t until he’d gotten into the trenches that he’d realized having a spouse at home supporting your efforts didn’t make you weak or divide your attention. The married soldiers had a reason to go home, a way to find rest and hope after hard missions.
Julie wouldn’t have been a distraction. Not having her by his side had obstructed his thoughts during down time, always wondering what she was doing. Always remembering the way she’d smiled up at him with such trust.
Gunnar shook his head and pushed off from the table to join Bjørn and Sadie. He couldn’t contact Julie. Hope for a second chance blew apart when he’d turned from her tear-stained face and walked away.