ChapterOne
Katie Titus rushed into her bedroom after hearing the news the Miller family needed her help, threw her duffle bag onto her bed, and jammed clothes into it. She wasn’t thrilled about missing the summer action in Chicken, Alaska, especially the annual miners’ meeting, but if she could assist sweet Patience Miller with her kids, Katie could miss one summer’s festivities. She couldn’t imagine being pregnant and having five children underfoot in the middle of the Alaskan bush. Then again, since her fiancé’s death four years earlier, she hadn’t imagined having a family of her own at all.
Liar.
The image of her best friend from childhood pressed into her thoughts like it so often did. She shook her head. It was Arne Rebel’s fault her mind betrayed her heart. Him and his insistent letters from all over the world.
Every time the thought of him bubbled up to the surface, she shoved it right back down, though it was getting harder with each reoccurrence. Well, maybe she sometimes lingered over the what ifs a little longer than other times.
What if Arne had kissed her that summer instead of Jim?
What if she’d realized Arne’s love towards her had grown more than simply friendship?
Would her heart have returned the sentiment or lost a friend?
Would they already be married with kids of their own?
The What If game always circled to the question she couldn’t face. Would Arne have shot Jim on that horrible hunting trip? Arne said it was an accident, and everyone believed him—everyone but her. She rubbed her fingers between her eyebrows to ease the headache building there. At least, when it first had happened, she hadn’t believed him. She’d been so overwhelmed with grief, she’d only seen Arne’s jealousy toward Jim. Now, after four years and eleven letters later, she didn’t know what to believe.
“Katie, honey, your ride will be here in ten minutes.” Her mother hollered from the front room of the small cabin, jolting Katie back to what needed done. “Don’t forget to pack your rain gear. Patience says it’s been raining non-stop up north.”
Great. Helping with a house full of kids without the benefit of the sunny Interior summers. Patience definitely lived up to her name. Maybe she’d rub off on Katie.
Katie reached for the box from her cousin that arrived the day before. Praise God for cousins who loved to share. At least Katie would have new reading material. As she pulled it off the nightstand where her mom had set it, an envelope fell to the floor.
She shoved the box into her bag and bent to pick up the envelope. Arne’s neat print stared at her, causing her hands to shake. She really should just put it in her duffle and read it later. Better yet, stack it with the others in the back of her drawer and read it when she got back. She did neither, instead tore the seal open and slipped the letter out.
Dear Katie,
I’m thinking you’re back in Chicken for the summer, so I’m sending this back home. Not sure why, since you haven’t written me back. More than likely this letter will go into the wood stove with the rest of them. Maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment, but I still hold out hope that you’ll forgive me someday.
Oh, how I’ve missed the Forty Mile. Gold mining the summer away. Hot days that melt the bones after the long, hard winter. Rafting down the rivers looking for adventure. You. Man, I miss you so much, Katie.
Katie’s eyes filled with tears that she quickly blinked away. He hadn’t been so forthcoming in past letters, keeping to the daily rigors of being an army medic and his requests for forgiveness. She missed him, too—more than she wanted to admit. Maybe it was time to push aside her doubts about what happened and write him back. After all their years of friendship, he at least deserved that.
I’m in Germany right now. Took a bullet to the femur. They haven’t clued me in on what they’ll have me do when I’m healed.
Shot! Katie stood, her heart racing in her chest. She paced to the door, prepared to run to who knows where, then stomped right back to her bed to finish the letter. He’d been able to write, so he couldn’t be seriously injured, right?
I’m restless in this hospital bed, juiced up on painkillers and waiting for orders. Gives me too much time to think, time the army has kept me from the last four years. I should’ve told you how I felt all those years ago. Should’ve told you I loved you from the first moment we met when I was ten. Should’ve kissed you that night we watched the northern lights dance, and you finally looked at me like maybe you saw more than a friend.
Katie fanned herself with the letter, remembering that night when she was fourteen, and he was sixteen. The aurora had swirled across the sky so brightly, she had heard them crackling. She’d glanced at Arne to find him watching her, a question in his eyes that had made her heart beat like dragonfly wings and her belly flip like a caught trout. She’d gone back to that night often and wondered what would’ve happened if her mom hadn’t called them in.
You were this enigma, this forest nymph I wanted to devote my life to. Silly thoughts of a ten-year-old boy, but it was true…is true.
Even after you chose Jim over me, I still just wanted to see you happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Katie. Whether it was with me or someone else, your happiness is all that mattered to me. Maybe it’s the drugs making me loose with my thoughts or maybe it’s knowing you’ll never read this that makes me brave for the first time in years, but I love you Katie Titus. Always have and always will.
Katie flipped the paper over, her forehead creasing. That was it? She slumped and rested her trembling hands in her lap. What was she supposed to do with that? She groaned and laid her face in her hands as her mind raced. Anger at Arne wrestled with longing for her best friend like it had for the past four years. It had left her frustrated with herself for her disloyalty to Jim and yearning for the comfort that Arne had always brought since he’d moved to Chicken as a child. How could she be so divided without ripping apart? As it was, she only held herself together with a thin thread.
“Katie, your ride is here.” Her mom appeared in the doorway, and Katie shoved the letter into her bag. “You okay? You look pale.”
Katie forced a smile. “Just got a little lightheaded is all. I’ll have to grab something to eat for the trail.”
“I already packed you a lunch and put it, along with some emergency provisions, in your backpack. Your dad is throwing it in the rig.” Her mom crossed the small room and gave her a big hug. “I’m glad you’re going. The Millers need all the help they can get, especially with Patience having such a hard pregnancy this time around. Who knows, maybe this summer will benefit both you and the Millers. Just be open to new possibilities, okay?”
“Okay.” Katie patted her mom on the back and pulled away.
What in the world was her mom talking about? Spending the summer in the middle of nowhere wouldn’t offer her opportunities for anything except more wilderness. She zipped her bag and threw it over her shoulder, Arne’s letter shoved between her t-shirts burning with the need to be read again more slowly. Maybe then she’d better understand what she was supposed to do.
She rushed out of the room, not wanting to keep whoever was taking her to the Millers waiting any longer. She squinted at the bright sunlight as she stepped from the dark cabin and held her hand to shield her eyes. She moved toward the truck towing a trommel, blinking her eyes to adjust them, just as her dad rounded the back of the vehicle, shaking hands with Arne Rebel.