He was quiet for so long that Emma thought he wouldn’t answer at all.
‘I’ve never really liked the manor. It’s been in the family for generations. The first son and heir gets it, along with the title. That’s how it became my grandfather’s, then my father’s, and one day—’
‘Yours.’
‘Yes.’ Alex crossed his arms over his chest.
‘But you don’t like the place?’
‘I don’t like the expectation.’
Alex looked at her and she could see the pain he tried to cover up behind his eyes.
‘It’s beautiful enough—if a bit old and boring.’ He chuckled. ‘But once it’s yours you’re expected to be the master of the household—ensure you have an heir.’
‘Be Earl Hastings.’
‘Yes, and that pressure can make you make mistakes. Trust the wrong people. I would rather just be Alexander Hastings, brilliant CEO, than Earl in a place I barely visit. It’s just another thing I don’t need handed to me.’
Alex kept his eyes on hers, but his voice was more subdued than Emma had ever heard it.
‘Is that why you said duty doesn’t fulfil you?’ Emma asked.
Alex didn’t reply.
She fell silent, pondering his words, and placed her silverware down. ‘Do you think that people think you’ve had everything handed to you?’
‘I know they do, Emma.’
‘Is that why you work so hard? Why you want to turn Hastings International worldwide?’
‘Partly. It’s not just because I have something to prove—it’s also because I see potential that’s never been exploited. I see the company for what it could be, not just what it is.’
‘Alexander, I don’t think anyone could accuse you of being entitled. You have nothing to prove.’
‘If only that were true,’ he said softly.
Emma wanted to reach out to him. To touch him. But the faraway look in his eyes made her hold back. There seemed to be so much weight on his shoulders. A weight that was a different kind of duty from what she had to bear. She understood that. Still, there was much he’d revealed without saying much at all. The one thing that really stuck with her was his comment about trusting the wrong people. It made her wonder if he had trusted someone he shouldn’t have, or maybe his father had.
She wanted to ask about it, but he jumped in before she could utter a word.
‘My turn.’ He unfolded his arms and leaned forward, placing a perfectly cut piece of cheese on a cracker that he held to her lips. She crunched into it, and he took the remaining piece into his own mouth. ‘I understand why you might not like your sister. I don’t understand why she would dislike you.’
‘All Lauren’s ever known is being preferred over everyone else. That’s her spot in the world and she likes it. On the few occasions when I had something she didn’t, or received praise when she didn’t, it irked her. It wasn’t the natural order of things. It got worse at school, because I had a natural inclination towards academia and she didn’t.’
Emma shrugged.
‘I guess as we got older the prizes we competed for were greater, and she thought they should all be hers. I don’t know why she bothers, to be honest. I’ll never be a threat to her. If anything, today was proof of that.’ Emma picked up her spoon again, twirling the silverware between her fingers. ‘I asked how the vote went and my mother said it was unanimous, so I know I wasn’t even considered. Not by anyone.’
That was what really hurt. Emma was well aware of how her mother felt about Maddison. She tended her more closely than anyone else, and Emma understood why. Nearly losing her had left a scar on Helen’s soul, which was why she would always coddle her youngest daughter. But Emma had hoped that for once emotion wouldn’t rule. That her work and dedication would speak for itself.
‘Doesn’t surprise me, though. You get used to knowing your place in the world.’ Emma looked down at her food, concentrating extremely hard on the culinary art on her plate. Or rather, trying very hard to ignore the stinging in her eyes. ‘I wanted to be close to Lauren for the longest time, but we only ever got close to that dynamic when I kept well away from all that was hers.’
Alex nodded. ‘If you could leave, what would you do?’ he asked, taking a sip of his wine.
‘I help to run a small literacy charity. The work is amazing, Alexander!’
She smiled as she explained about the classes that were held a few times a week, where she taught people how to read. About all the colourful personalities she got to meet from different countries and impoverished neighbourhoods.