I still haven’t told her about my seraphim half or my bond with the men. Grace might have some strange allegiance to Rylan—or owe him a favor, as she says—but I don’t know how far that, well, grace extends. She’s a monster hunter from a family of monster hunters, and everything I’ve discovered about seraphim to date paints them as monsters even among otherworldly creatures that prey on humanity.
There’s a reason they were hunted to apparent extinction by the vampires.
The amount of harm the seraphim did…
I can’t guarantee Grace won’t decide that I’m too much of a threat, even if I don’t know how to use my fledgling powers properly, or even that the little cluster of cells inside me that is a combination of both seraph and vampire will be too monstrous to allow into the world.
I’m not sure she’s wrong there, either.
I’m not sure of anything anymore.
“I can’t control it,” I finally admit. In fact, none of the bloodline powers have manifested since I fled the mountain home where my father had finally caught up with us and taken the men captive. I haven’t thought too hard about that, but it has to be because I’m so exhausted all the time. “I’m not even sure how to begin to make it work.”
“Well, shit.” She slumps onto the bed. “Guess we’re back to square one.”
A hopeless situation.
I give her a long look. “Why help me? You got me out of there, which is repayment enough for whatever debt your family owes Rylan.”
“Undoubtedly.” She shrugs. “Honestly, I was going to pay your hotel for a week and then leave today, but now that I know you can summon Azazel—or at least one of those vampires can—you’re stuck with me. I need access to that demon.”
I don’t tell her that her chances of finding her mother alive are low. Maybe they aren’t. This world is strange and vast and odder things have happened. It’s not my place to crush this woman’s hope when I’m engaging in my own long shot.
I need my men back, I need to kill my father, and I need to announce this damned pregnancy publicly where no one can refute it to ensure my half-siblings don’t hunt me until the end of days just like my father planned to. I need to essentially crown myself queen the same way my father acts the part of a king. None of my siblings are as formidable as he is, but that doesn’t mean they’re not dangerous.
The only path to peace is through power, and it means taking my father’s place as head of the compound…and head of the bloodline.
Ironic, that.
I hold three sets of bloodline powers inside me, but none of them were passed to me by my father.
35
Itry to eat, knowing I need the calories for the bloodletting that comes next, but I last all of twenty minutes before I’m in the bathroom, losing my lunch. Hopelessness wells up inside me, deep and dark and all too willing to suck me under.
I’ve been in bad spots before. I wasborninto a bad spot, a powerless dhampir in the compound my father rules. Normally, dhampir children—those who are half human and half vampire—inherit powers from their vampire parent, at least if said vampire parent is a bloodline vampire. Not me, though. Up until I met Malachi, Rylan, and Wolf, I thought I was defective.
Turns out, my mother wasn’t all that human to begin with.
I brush my teeth, staring at my reflection in the dingy mirror. I look like shit. Dark circles stain the skin beneath my bloodshot eyes and my dark hair has gone greasy and lank. I’ve lost weight, too; weight I can’t afford to lose. I was hardly at peak health when all this started, though the blood the vampires shared with me seemed to do just as much as…
I stop brushing.
Surely that’s not the answer. It would be far too ridiculous a solution. If I managed to drink blood, surely I’ll throw it up just like I’m throwing up solid food. I’m not some heroine in a vampire novel. I’m not going from eating normal food and using blood for magic, pleasure, and healing, to being on a blood-only diet. It’s not going to happen.
I duck out of the bathroom to find Grace gone again. I think she feels trapped in the hotel room. I don’t blame her; I’m practically climbing the walls at this point. Or I would be if I had any energy at all.
This is a mess. Worse than a mess. It’s a fucking disaster.
I study the bed for a long moment. I still haven’t entirely dealt with the fact that apparently I met Wolf in my dreams. I don’t know what caused it, or what shoved him out of that space, but if I can reclaim it…
I miss them. I miss them so fucking much I ache with it. I wish I could blame the bond for the heightened feeling, but I suspect it’s simply that I’ve gone and fallen for this vampire trio. I desperately want Malachi to wrap me up in his big arms and say it will all be okay. For Rylan to make some snarling, snarky comment about the situation. For Wolf’s wild laughter and chaos.
If I can find them in my dreams…
I run my hand over the scratchy bedspread. I’m tired. Desperately tired. I should still be using this time to practice the magic as best I can.
Instead, I take a slow, careful breath, and lay down on the bed on my back. It’s too easy to close my eyes. I’ve been sick and beaten to the point where I’m not sure I’ll survive, and I’ve never felt tired like this. It would scare me if I had the energy to feel anything but exhaustion.