“Just like that?” The question catches in my throat and comes out jagged. “You told me you couldn’t wait to knock me up.”
“I know.” He shrugs, though his intensity doesn’t waver. “But I care about you more than anything else, little dhampir. If you don’t want children, then we won’t have children.”
That’s the thing. I don’t know what I want. I can barely think about a future without the threat of my father hanging over our heads. His taking Malachi and Wolf and Rylan has only heightened that fear. If I have this baby…If we don’t remove my father before it happens…
He could take the baby, too.
I shudder. “I don’t have a convenient answer for you, Malachi. I wish I did. I’m not ready to end this pregnancy, no matter how complicated my feelings are about it. It’s our only chance.”
“I don’t give a fuck about the plan,” he says quietly. “Do you want it?”
That’s the question, isn’t it? I pushed back when Grace offered me the same option Malachi is right now, claiming I couldn’t make that decision without the men being involved. In hindsight, it feels like an excuse. Not a single one of them would hold making that call against me. I have no doubts about that. “Since Azazel did his magic, I haven’t felt so drained and exhausted.”
“Mina, that’s not an answer.”
I know, but I don’thavean answer right now. I sigh. “I do want it, I think. I haven’t really had time to process, and I—” Right here, right now, I can tell him the truth. The awful feeling in my throat gets worse. “I’m afraid to want it. Wanting something is a good excuse for the world to take it away. To havemy fathertake it away.” I press my hand to Malachi’s broad chest. “I dared to want you and look what happened. You spent a week being tortured by him.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’snotfine.” I suck in a harsh breath. “I won’t ask you to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m here if you do.” They’ve listened to my story, but they haven’t shared a single thing that happened to them in the time they were captive. I don’t have a right to ask them to share if they’re not ready, but the big black hole of information makes me uneasy. It’s like we’re walking on eggshells with each other.
I want to reclaim the easy feeling we’d just reached before my father ruined everything, but I’m not even sure how we accomplished it to begin with. When it comes right down to it, we’ve only known each other a short time. Things have been uncomfortable and filled with animosity more than they haven’t. I shouldn’t dare crave something I barely got a taste of in the first place.
Malachi frames my face with his big hands. “It wasn’t as bad as you’re imagining. I suspect he meant to soften us up, so he focused on isolating us and drugged us with something that made the starvation kick in quicker.” His expression is so grave, it makes my chest hurt. “I couldn’t think properly, but I worried about you. That was the worst of it, little dhampir.”
This time.
If we don’t do something about my father, it will be worse next time. He might try to forcibly breed them. The thought makes me shudder. “We have to kill him. We can’t wait any longer.”
“We can wait to start making proper plans until morning.” He shifts his hands to my shoulders and gives me a squeeze. “Just let us take care of you tonight.”
“You’re the one who’s suffered. I should be taking care ofyou.”
He smiles a little. “This is how you take care of me.” Malachi strips me easily, his big hands gentle on my body. It’s not sexual, but it feels like a small eternity since I’ve touched him. I won’t make assumptions. Not with us feeling so raw right now. But I’m only me, and I would have to pass through death’s gate in order to not want this man. Maybe I’d even want him in the afterlife.
I don’t know how this happened. A few months ago, I didn’t even know he existed. Now, he’s a cornerstone in my life and I can’t imagine going on without him. The strength of that feeling should scare me—and it does—but it’s like it can’t find purchase in our reality.
I don’t know if I believe in destiny, but I can’t deny that Malachi and I feel destined.
We step beneath the spray and he pulls me into his arms. It feels so damn good to have his naked body pressed against me. Yes, there’s sexual desire, but just touching him reassures a part of me that couldn’t quite believe he’s here and safe.
A horrible sound wrenches itself from my chest. Malachi hugs me tighter. “I’m here. You’re safe.”
I bury my face in his chest and sob until it feels like my body will shatter into a million pieces and crumple away to dust. Ithurts, but at least I know I’m still alive. That he’s still alive. We are here together, which is more than I could say twenty-four hours ago. It’s like all my fear and rage have crystalized into the tears I shed in that moment. It’s a purging.
I don’t mean to kiss him. Truly, I don’t. One moment, I’m sobbing and the next my mouth is on his and I’m climbing his body to wrap my legs around his waist. Malachi barely hesitates. He kisses me back like he needs my air to breathe. One step and my back hits the tiled wall. He pins me there so effortlessly, it makes me shake with need.Yes, this. This is what I need. Please don’t stop.
He breaks our kiss long enough to say in a strained voice. “I can’t. Mina, you have to stop kissing me right now if you don’t want—”
“Take me.” I nip his throat. “I need you. Don’t make me wait.”
He growls something low in a language I don’t recognize and then his big cock presses to my entrance. I’m wet, but nowhere near where I need to be for him to plunge into me. It’swork. He grips my hips and uses short strokes to fight his way into my body. It’s not entirely comfortable, but I don’t care. I need this as much as he does. More, even.
By the time he sheaths himself to the hilt, we’re both shaking and panting. Malachi presses his forehead to mine. “You feel good, little dhampir. You feel like home.”
“Bite me,” I gasp.
“No.” A slight shake of his head. “Not until we know for sure that it’s safe.” Malachi kisses me, stifling any protest, quick and rough. “I don’t need my bite to make you feel good.”