42
Erica
The first video showed Hunter sitting in his room upstairs, surrounded by unpacked boxes while he faced the camera. The video looked old, both because of the quality of the footage and because Hunter himself seemedyoung. He was wearing a faded T-shirt that I hadn’t seen since he got back, and there was a teenage fullness to his cheeks. He was still the same devastatingly gorgeous Hunter I had been sleeping with the past few weeks, but he lacked the maturity I had grown to love. Especially when I heard his voice.
“Hey, uh, this is me. Your favorite car expert, Hunter Cade. I’ll be honest: I don’t know who this video is for. I guess it’s for myself. And for a junior named Erica Porter. I’ll probably never publish it, but it’s easier for me to talk in front of a camera than it is in person. So, uh, here goes.
“It’s March ninth, and I just moved in with the Porters. Brad’s my best friend, and his parents are the nicest people in the world. They’re letting me stay here until I graduate because… of family stuff. I don’t want to talk about that, but what I do want to talk about is what happened today. I’m sharing a bathroom with Erica, Brad’s little sister. Only she’s not solittleanymore. I’m less than a year older than her, and she’s grown up a lot since we were riding bicycles around the neighborhood together. Erica, if you’re watching this, I just want to say you’re really pretty. You’re more than that. You’re actually kind of gorgeous.
“Today, after I took a shower, you accidentally walked in on me in the bathroom. It wasso awkward… But there was also a lot of electricity between us. I know you felt it, and I certainly did, too. We shared a moment before you awkwardly closed the door and went back into your room.
“Anyway, I thought it would be cool to record myself after that happened. In case we… This is going to soundreallysilly. In case we get together some day in the future, I wanted evidence that I was thinking about you now. Obviously that will never happen because you’re Brad’s sister, and he would fuckingkillme. But who knows? If we ever get married, we could play this video at our wedding, and everyone will talk about how we were meant to be and cheesy stuff like that. Don’t worry, I’ll edit out all the awkward parts before that. I’m rambling now. Bottom line is that I wanted you toknowthat right now, the first day I’m staying here, I already can’t get you out of my head.”
The video ended. Brad wordlessly clicked on the next one in the queue. The setting was the same: Hunter’s room in our house, five years ago. Hunter was swaying drunkenly, and his voice held just ahintof slurring. But there was passion behind every word that was completely sober.
“Hey everyone, or whoever the hell is watching this video in the future. Duuuude. I think I fucked up tonight. We were playing beer pong at the party, and I lost my shit on Derek Offerman. And I meanLOST. MY. SHIT.I don’t even remember jumping at him. I didn’t think about it, I justdid it,man. All I knew was that he had touched you, and I couldn’t allow that.
“I’ve never felt so protective of someone before. I don’t think I would have reacted like that if it was Jessica, or Priscilla, or Katie, or anyone else I’ve dated. But with you, Erica? I’d fight my way into hell for you, if I had to. No hesitation.
“It’s confusing as hell, though. You have to understand that. We were just in the bathroom, like ten minutes ago, and I wanted to kiss you so badly. Shit, if I’m being honest, I wanted to do a lot more than kiss you. I’m kind of drunk so I won’t go into it, but tonight I realized I like you, Erica. I like you a fuckinglot. And it scares the hell out of me, because you’re Brad’s sister and guys are supposed to have a code about this sort of thing.
“What I’m trying to say is that nothing can happen. But I reallywantit to happen. I want to kiss the fuck out of you, Erica Porter. Or kiss the fuckintoyou. Hehe. I would kiss you so good, you have no idea. This kiss would rock your world. It would be, like, a hydrogen bomb of a kiss. You’d fall apart in my arms. It would be the nine-eleven of kisses. Shit. That’s probably offensive. But I don’t care. It’s the truth. There, I told the camera. It’s out of my system. I should probably delete this video before I get canceled.”
Brad played the third video. Hunter was totally sober, and wore swim trunks and a T-shirt. A strained expression marred his handsome face, and he nervously ran his fingers through his hair while he talked.
“We kissed, Erica. Just now. In the garage while we were supposed to be retrieving things for the graduation party. It was a good kiss, Erica. The kind of kiss that changes a man. I feel different now that it happened. Different in a good way.
“But it doesn’t matter how good it feels, because nothing can happen between us. The kiss was already too much. I’m going through a lot of stuff right now, Erica. My parents are gone. I haven’t fully coped with that, yet. And your parents are so nice. Nobody can replace my own, but they’ve helped fill in temporarily. I’ve really needed that support. Without it, I don’t know what I would have done these past three months.
“I can’t do anything with you, Erica. Not after your parents have opened their house and heart to me. Not after Brad has welcomed me like a brother. Can you imagine how fucked up that would look? They give me a home, and I repay them by fooling around with their daughter? I can’t betray their hospitality like that. It’s not the kind of man I am.
“It’s more than that, though. I’m not in a good place right now, Erica. I know I’m still grieving for my parents. I’m a mess. And I’m afraid that I’m turning to you as a way to cope with all of that. I donotwant you to be some rebound that I use at this point in my life. You’re too special for that. You deserve the world, Erica. You deserve a guy who is with you foryou.And I need to make sure that’s not the case.
“After today’s kiss, I know I have to get out of here. Not just out of the house, but out of Columbus, too. I need a fresh start somewhere, so I’m going to move in with my uncle in Portland. He’s going to let me stay there rent-free for as long as I need, so I’m going to take a few months to focus on my YouTube channel. Just like you convinced me to do. That’s my dream, and goddamnit, I’m going to follow it. I have to at least try.
“I’m sorry for what I said in the garage. I had to say it in order to keep you from thinking about me, Erica. You deserve better. And I’m sorry I’m leaving without saying goodbye. I hope you can forgive me someday.”
Tears were welling in my eyes by the time Brad played the fourth video. Hunter looked older and more mature, and not just because he was wearing a stylish, well-fitting suit.
“Hello, whoever happens to be watching this. It’s been a while since I made one of these videos. As you can see, I’m in a La Quinta Inn right now. I just came from your father’s funeral. I’m so, so sorry, Erica. He was a good man. Even though I only lived with you guys for a few months five years ago, your dad had a huge impact on my life. He nurtured my love for cars and gave me encouragement while we worked on the Mustang together. Granted, he insisted I should go to college and only do my YouTube channel as a hobby, and he turned out being wrong about that. But I know it was because he wanted the best for me, and I’ll always be grateful for that.
“I saw you at the funeral, Erica, when you went up to speak about your dad. It was the first time I had seen you in person in five long years, and guess what? All the feelings I had in high school came rushing back, feelings I’ve been trying to forget about all this time. But I can’t shake this feeling, Erica. I haven’t been able to shake it since we kissed in the garage long ago, and I certainly can’t shake the feeling after seeing you today. And yes, I know it’ssuperfucked up that I’m thinking all of this after seeing you at your father’s funeral. It’s probably one of the worst days of your life. I guess that’s why I’m saying this to the camera rather than to your face.
“I’m going to break off my engagement to Carmen. We’re comfortable together, but I know she’s notthe one. Never thought I believed in that concept, but now I think I do. Regardless, I need to break up with her regardless of whether there’s a possibility of something between you and me. It’s the right thing to do, and I owe it to her. But make no mistake, Erica: I’m coming to Columbus for you. I’ve cleared my schedule for a few weeks. Hopefully that’s enough time to convince you I’m yours. I always have been, and I think I will be forever.”
Brad didn’t need to touch the screen—the fifth video played automatically. This time Hunter was back in our house, in the room upstairs, and he had the biggest, most cheerful smile I’d ever seen on his face.
“Well, I’m here in Columbus. I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I know I need to be here to do it. I went to the expo today to tell you everything—I knew you’d be there because I’ve been following you on Instagram for a while. I hope that’s not weird. I worked up the nerve to tell you, and I wasso close, but then you ran away.
“Now I’m back here, at the house where it all began, in the room where I lived five years ago, and I chickened out again. I made up an excuse to stay here because I desperately want to be near you, Erica. I hope that isn’t as creepy as it sounds now that I’m saying it, but it’s the truth. I wasn’t planning on filming a bunch of throwback videos. I made it up on the spot. And now I’m here, living with you for a few weeks. Brad’s gone, and I hope I can work up the nerve to tell you how I feel before he returns, because once he’s back I’m going to need to have a whole different conversation with him.
“And your business! It seems really exciting. When my dad was alive, he used to say that you don’t invest in ideas—you invest inpeople. Honestly, I don’t know the difference between a sapphire and a river pebble, but I knowyou, Erica. You’re one of the smartest, bravest, most driven women I know. You were kind of introverted in high school, but that didn’t stop you from selling candy at school and undercutting the vending machine prices. When you had an idea, you were like a Golden Retriever chasing a tennis ball. Laser-focused.
“What I’m trying to say is that I’m investing inyou, Erica. If it’s you against the world, I’ll bet on you every time. I’m investing in you because I know you’ll pour your heart into whatever business idea you come up with. And I’ll do anything—and I meananything—to help you be successful, including promoting your business on my channel.
“With that in mind… The next part is directed at my normal subscribers. Sorry for all the lovey-dovey stuff. I know I don’t normally do that on a YouTube channel about cars, but this is a special exception. Anyone who needs a diamond ring, or a piece of custom jewelry for a family member, should check out my friend Erica’s business. It’s calledYours Forever Gemstones—the link is in the video description below. By the time this video airs, the website store will be up and running. You should know that I’m an investor in the company, but that’s not the only reason I’m promoting the business. Why buy a diamond like everyone else’s when you can have one custom-created based on carbon atoms from your own body?Yours Forever Gemstonestakes a strand of your hair and creates a diamond, sapphire, or ruby based on your own unique carbon signature. It’s really cool stuff, and much more personal than a diamond that was mined out of the ground using forced labor. By the time this video airs, the company will be ready to take your orders.
“Sorry if I embarrassed you, Erica! But I had to promote this on my channel. It’s too good of an idea not to. And like I said, I would move heaven and earth in order to help you be successful. And along those lines, I hope I work up the courage to tell you how I feel soon. And if not, if we aren’t meant to be, then I hope to be one of your customers.