Jezebel took a deep breath. “Do you love him?”
As I contemplated her question, I had no desire to be anything less than transparent. “I didn’t want to.”
She leaned forward, placing her lower arms on the table.
I pushed the ingredients of the salad around and looked back up. “I let my heart be broken a while ago. I didn’t want to do it again, but Rett is” —I grinned— “a force of nature.”
Her forehead furrowed. “Emma, has he hurt you?”
“No,” I answered quickly. “Rett accepted my counterproposal. The first night we met he said we’d marry. I know that seems...presumptuous and odd, but even though we’d just met, I believed him. I never argued that outcome, but I told him he’d never have my heart.”
“He’s a man. He only cares about your body.” She nodded. “And you gave that or did he take it?”
“I gave it...willingly,” I added. “I don’t regret that. But my heart, I thought I had it shielded, and now I realized I didn’t. He didn’t take it, Mother. In less than two months, it slipped from my grasp to him. I don’t even know if he knows. I want to tell him.”
“Will he reciprocate?”
“Will he say he loves me?” I asked, repeating what I thought she meant. With my lips together, I stared out the back windows. The world beyond the kitchen was growing darker. I turned back. “It doesn’t matter.”
Jezebel tilted her head. “What?”
I shook mine. “It doesn’t matter what he says. I want him to know my feelings.”
“And you’ll be all right if he doesn’t offer you the same?”
I shrugged. “It’s been less than two months. I didn’t go into our relationship looking for love. Neither did Rett. If he can’t say the words, then I don’t need to hear them. I feel it.” A smile returned to my lips. “It’s in the things he doesn’t say. It’s in his eyes when he stares at me and the sweet gestures that I know are outside of his natural character. I guess if I could ask for one thing, I really want him to know.”
“Why doesn’t he know?”
This time I laughed. “Because he’s a man.”
Jezebel grinned.
“Not all men are intuitive.” I thought of Ian. “Some are. I think it has to do with their responsibilities. Rett has many. His attention is rightfully divided. I couldn’t bear if Rett never knew the way I feel.”
“You passed,” Jezebel said. “Twice and counting. You’ve shown me that you can think for yourself. And with what you just said, you have self-confidence that I admire. Kyle is...not the same. He requires continual confirmation. He also tries hard to please. It was how he was before he learned the truth about your conception. Since he learned that I was hurt, his desire to please has become obsessive. He will say or do anything he believes will please me or bring me my goal.”
“What is your goal?” I asked.
“I want what the spirits promised.”
“Control of New Orleans.”
Jezebel nodded.
“And you arranged for it to look like Kyle died to help you claim that control?”
“I did. I made a choice. I now see that it was also a mistake.”
My food was gone and so were both bottles of water. If there had been anything in it to hurt me, I wasn’t feeling the effects. I pushed my plate away from the edge of the table and leaned back in the straight chair. “Thank you for dinner. What was your mistake?”
“Believing the lies of misogyny I’d been fed all of my life.”
“Misogyny? You mean choosing your son over your daughter.”
“I didn’t do that. I wanted both of you here as you are now. And yes, I made assumptions based on gender.” She smiled. “Incorrect assumptions of the city’s acceptance of fate. I’m very proud of you, Emma.”
I didn’t understand all she was saying, but I wanted to. “Tell me how Kyle and I are twins.”