Their looks said it all.
Emma’s funeral was held on a grey and wet day, another harsh blow to my chest. I sat through speeches from the few people she’d crossed paths with, from her young friends who had yet to fully comprehend what her death really meant.
My next door neighbor, a four year old named Hannah, said, “I hope you come back next week, Emma. You can come to my birthday party.”
I stared at the tiny casket as they lowered it into the ground, half of me wanting to jump in with it and risk being buried alive. At least then I wouldn’t have to feel anything anymore.
As the crowd dissipated one by one—tapping my shoulder and saying, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” as they left, I spotted Ava walking into the cemetery.
Flanked by two prison guards, she fell to her knees and bawled once she reached the uncovered grave.
“You made me late for my child’s funeral.” She cursed at the guards. “I f**king missed it…How cruel can you possibly be?”
“All furloughs have the same time constraints, ma’am,” one of them said flatly. “We couldn’t have left any earlier.”
She shook her head and continued to cry, beating her hands against the ground. As if she needed to distance herself from the guilt, she stood up and walked towards the podium, reading the papers that were left behind.
She broke down again and I walked over.
“Liam…” She held out her arms. “She’s really gone, isn’t she?”
“She is.” I refused to console her. “And it’s all your fault, Ava. Your f**king fault.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” She sniffled. “Don’t you think I feel that?”
“It should be you down there in the ground right now. It should be you.”
“Liam…”
“She didn’t deserve to be taken away from me and you know it.”
“I do know that…I was just—”
“Trying to prove a point? To do whatever it took to hurt me because you f**ked yourself over and you wanted to bring me down with you?”
“We can get through this…We can still find a way to restore your name in this city, and you’re the best lawyer I know so…I know you can turn everything around and maybe help me too. Maybe forgive me?”
“I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you rot in prison, to make sure you never get out and that the parole board never gives you an ounce of sympathy.”
“You don’t mean that, Liam…”
“If I ever find a way to get away with murder, you and Kevin will be my first victims.”
The guard across from us gave me a look.
“Don’t be like this, Liam…”
“My name won’t be Liam for too much longer just so you know. It’ll be Andrew.”
“Are you leaving? Are you about to leave me here?”
“That should be you in the ground right now…” I noticed the funeral director stacking the chairs, mindlessly breaking down what was just another ceremony to him. “That should be you…”
One of the guards began speaking with the funeral staff, inquiring as to whether they should leave the premises or not. Noticing her time here was limited, Ava grabbed onto me. “Liam, I mean…Andrew. You clearly still love me because you’re trusting me with that…We can rebuild everything we had, we can start over, you and me…We can do this if you help me…”
I grabbed her hands and moved them away as one of the guards stepped closer.
“You know I don’t belong in prison,” she said, crying. “They’re transferring me to a permanent location next week…Save me, Andrew…Save me…”