A few moments before
I’m pissed that Tony’s so fucking insistent I get out of the house tonight. He knows I wanna be home.
I don’t do the party scene. I never have. I’m not interested in mingling with clients. I’ve always treated this as a business. That’s all it is to me, and it fucking pays me like an empire should.
That’s what this is now, an empire and moneymaker. I went from a kid dealing dope, to a boss producing the best weed there is and streamlining the business.
I’m only in it for the money though, and it’s getting old. I have more than enough at this point, and I don’t have my heart for it like Tony does.
The cold winter wind whips across my face as Tony knocks his boots against the front step of his girlfriend’s place. The bitter bite of the wind makes me close my eyes and turn my head slightly. The knock, knock, knock of his boots is the only thing I can hear. We just left the last client, who’s a big spender, but that didn’t change a damn thing. I don’t mingle. This is business only for me.
A part of me hates him for pushing me to come out, but another part is just grateful to have someone like him in my life.
He just wants me out of the house. I love him like a brother, and that’s the only reason I’m here.
He’s been my best friend since I could remember. We grew up next door to each other and without him, I don’t know where I would be now. Probably…definitely… six feet under the cold, heavy dirt.
With the shit we’ve gotten into over the years, I know I can trust him. He’s theonlyone I can trust.
He opens the front door, and I’m slow to follow him in. I don’t take orders from him. I should just head home. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to face what’s waiting for me back there. I let out a heavy sigh and kick my boots once on the step. Stalling to go in.
It makes me feel like shit just thinking that. But it’s the truth.
I hear a faint female voice from inside, and I suck it up. It’s just one night.
The second I’m inside, the tiny bit of hate I have for Tony grows exponentially.
Maybe he didn’t know. No one really knew back then.
But my Emma, my sweetheart, is standing right fucking there. It takes me a second to really believe it. I’m frozen in place, my body tingling with recognition.
I swallow, and the sounds of everything around me seem so fucking loud. I have to force myself to breathe and get myself together.
I hold my breath as I shut the door and act like I’m not affected.
I don’t look at her, but my heart's trying to climb up my throat and get the fuck out.
Emma Fletcher.
Her sweetheart-shaped face and soft beauty have always stayed with me. She’s a girl I knew I could never have back then. I hid the real me from her. I didn’t let her know what I did, and the life I led. She was my secret.
She only gave me a taste and I was fine with that. When things were the hardest they’d ever been in my life, I got lost in her. I fucking loved it. I lived for those stolen moments.
Until it all went to shit.
The last time I saw her was at her high school graduation. I don’t even know why I went. I graduated a year before her. I had a drop-off out front, some kids looking to party after the ceremony. But the reason I went in? I have to admit it’s because I knew she’d be inside. I hadn’t seen her in so long. I just wanted a glimpse of her.
I don’t know if she saw me, but I sure as fuck saw her. She sat in the third row. All the way at the end. She stared straight ahead, never turned toward me, never spared me a glance.
I knew then that if I didn’t say anything to her, I’d probably never see her again. She was off to college, that much I was sure of. She was always smart, and she had a future ahead of her.
And where was I going? Nowhere fast.
I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to grab her by her waist and pull her into my arms before she walked out of that door. But watching her father and mother walk up to her, her sister clapping her hands and hugging her...
It all only emphasized how different we were. How we weren’t meant to be together.
I let her walk away from me that day without fighting it.