She nodded cautiously. “Are we sad about that?”
“My dad passing? Yeah, people are typically sad about the death of a loved one.”
“Well, most of the creatures you will run into here won’t feel the same. Or maybe I’m just projecting my own shit on them.”
“Are you saying you wouldn’t be sad if something were to happen to your mother or sisters?”
“Sad?” A flash of pain ran across her features. Ethan had the sudden urge to step forward and hold her in his arms. “No,” she answered. “Probably a bit sad. I don’t know, actually. I don’t like thinking about it, honestly.”
“That’s fair.”
“I’m sorry about your dad. You know, if he was a good dad and you miss him, I’m sorry. But it’s also really nice that you have those memories to hold on to. He lives on in that, no?”
Ethan stilled as her words sank in.
The second his father had died, Ethan hadn’t been given the time to grieve. He took over the pack and never stopped for one second. If he wasn’t at work … a pack-owned forestry company … he was with the pack and repeated it all over again, daily.
He cleared his throat. “You’re right. I was pretty lucky to have such a good father, a good alpha. He was stern but fair. Respected.”
“Big shoes to fill, huh?” she guessed.
Ethan nodded, trying to shake loose the ball in his throat. “Yeah. Very hard to fill.”
“Well, you respected him, and he raised you, right? Doesn’t that mean that you’re just about the only person whocanfill his shoes? All those memories? How he led, it’s all up there.” She reached across the table to brush his temple with her fingers.
He curled his hand over hers, keeping her fingers on his face. She lowered her hand, curving it over his cheek. Their eyes were hooked together.
“He never faced anything even remotely close to this. I don’t know what to do. This is new territory which makes me think I fucked up somehow. That’s why I’m here. It’s my fault we were cursed because I’m not a good enough alpha.”
“Bullshit,” she whispered. “Are you telling me you are responsible for two grown adults’ behavior? Their choices? No way, big guy. No fucking way can you hold yourself accountable. You’re the leader of a pack, yes. You gave an order, and Gus made his choice. Actually, he made a whole series of them.”
“I could have tried to anticipate that he would disobey.”
“How? By having him followed. Isthata good way to lead?”
“Obviously not, but at least there wouldn’t be this curse on the pack.”
“This is a bad twenty-twenty loop you’re in.”
He frowned.
“You know how they say hindsight is twenty-twenty? You can keep obsessing over everything that happened, but the truth is, you will never know. You don’t know if things would be better if your dad was still alive and alpha, or what if Gushadlistened? All of these different choices do not necessarily mean you would be worse off. You gave an order; it was disobeyed. You’re not here because you think you’re responsible.” She paused and leaned into him. “You’re here because you don’t trust Gus anymore, and you don’t think he can clean up his own mess.”
Ethan’s entire body went numb. Could she be right? Was he really here because Gus never would’ve been able to pull off this mission?
No shit. You know all this. Good thing Ruby is here to remind us.
“You know, I think you’re right. It’s easy for me to get all turned around about leading the pack. I never had the chance to grieve my dad’s death. I just jumped in on the pack leadership and ran the family business. I was just trying to keep everything running smoothly.”
She gave him an understanding smile. “Grief catches up with you. Now, we’re in unfamiliar territory, so it’s easier for the grief to leak out. Remember that and be kind to that brain of yours. It got you this far, didn’t it?”
“Wow, that is pretty impressive, Ruby. I wanna keep you around forever.”
The second the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. Not because he regretted saying them, but rather, it was all a little too true.
Thankfully, the landscape was beautiful enough to steal the moment. The black-sanded beach was slightly transformed. The twinkling lights were no longer just white but red and orange and gold. It was scenic and almost beyond words. Definitely a holiday vibe.
Soft music played over the speakers cleverly disguised as bushes. Ocho … or a creature that looked exactly like him … was walking around with a silver tray loaded with drinks in vibrant colors. Whoever was in charge of the menu sure had a penchant for neon shades by the looks of the yellows, blues, and greens sparkling in the glasses.