He cups my face. “Exactly. You can go through all the would-haves and should-haves, but it doesn’t change anything. Grace made the choice to drive that night, and she died. There’s nothing different I could have done. And the same goes for you.”
“But...” My bottom lip trembles.
“No, let me finish.” I nod, so he continues. “After the funeral, I started drinking heavily, which is ironic, really. I started skipping practice. I blew off classes, locked myself away in my apartment, and stopped talking to my family. I shut out Leslie, who was not only my cousin and Grace’s sister but also someone who felt the same guilt I did. But then one day, Leslie burst into my apartment and smacked me across the face.”
“Wow.”
“She told me that I’d be a fool to let all of my hard work go to waste because Grace made a decision to drive that night. And although we both wished we could go back and do everything differently, wishing wasn’t going to change anything. The best thing we could do was continue to live, to honor her life by saving other women and men from making the same choice, and to follow our dreams, like mine of playing in the NFL.”
I lick my lips as tears fall again.
“I’m not going to say that I snapped right out of my depression and guilt because that would be a lie. I had rough days and had to fight like hell to get my grades back up so I could pass my classes. I started seeing a therapist, and it took me a long time to feel at peace with what happened. But when I got drafted, my life started to fall into place, so I vowed never to take it for granted. It’s why I live my life the way I do now. Losing Grace reminded me that life’s too fucking short, that helping other people will always make the world a better place, and that fighting for the life we want is the only way to make all of our dreams come true.” He presses his lips to mine softly before rearing back.
“This is what kept me going, Penelope.” He waves his hand out toward the field. “My family, my career that I wanted more than anything, my home. Without this support system, I would have crumbled after everything happened with Grace and Brittney. I shut out the world for a while, convinced myself that I couldn’t let anyone in. But then my entire world went dark. It took Leslie and my parents to pull me out of the spiral I was going down. It took learning about how other people’s lives have changed in an instant to remind myself that life is precious. We only get one, baby. And I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I want to live mine with you.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Then let me continue.” He stares down into my eyes. “I am so fucking sorry that you lost someone you loved, and I understand why not letting anyone else in felt like the logical solution to you. But Penelope, I don’t think we stood a chance to resist one another when we met. And now that I know we share a similar experience, I’m certain fate brought us together.” He inhales and then holds my face in his palm. “I am so fucking in love with you, Penelope Klein. I am so sorry that you loved and lost, but Ifoundyou, Pen. We found each other, and I want to prove to you that you can have it all, even when life gets shitty, even when we experience heartache and guilt. I want to be your future, Penelope Klein—if you’ll let me.”
“I want that, too,” I admit on a shaky breath as relief floods through me. And then I say the words I’ve only ever said to one other person. “And I love you. After everything we went through to get to this point, the last thing I want to do is walk away. I went home finally. I had to say goodbye to my past because my future is right here... with you.Youareworth the risk.Youareworth my job.You areworth everything I have been through to get here, and as long as we’re together, none of the other shit matters. I love you so much, Maddox Taylor. You saw me when I didn’t want to be seen, pursued me when I was fine with being alone. But now, all I see and all I want is you and me together, forever. I don’t want to be afraid anymore of letting you in.” We both exhale at the same time. “God, I hate to say it, but I feel so much better now that you know. I was afraid you would look at me differently.”
“Why on earth would you think that?”
“Because I’ve held on to this other person and the love I had for him for so long, like I was afraid to let go of him.” My eyes shift to the field as the sun sets in the distance. “Part of me still is, but the other part of me knows that it’s time.”
“You don’t have to let go of him, babe. He will always be a part of you—who you were, who you are, and who you will become. But you deserve to keep living, Penelope. You deserve to be loved again. And you deserve to forgive yourself for what happened because it was not your fault.”
“It’s hard.”
“I know it is.”
“You remind me so much of him, too.”
“Then I’m honored. If he earned your love, then I know he was one hell of a guy.”
I look back up at him. “You’re the only other man I could have ever seen myself with, Maddox. I don’t say that lightly. And I’m sorry for everything that I’ve put you through.”
“You are worth it, Penelope. That’s what I’ve been trying to get you to understand. It’s why I couldn’t walk away from you.”
“Thank you for not giving up on me. It means more to me than you’ll ever know.”
* * *
“Are you sure you’re up for this?”
I nod even though I know the way I look right now must be atrocious. “I’m sure. My face is puffy and blotchy, though, so I hope they don’t mind.”
He brushes my hair from my face, holding my hand as we stand on the front porch of his parents’ house. When we left the field, he called Leslie and asked her to gather the kids and meet us there to introduce me to his family while I followed him in my rental car. I could see how eager he was—after being alone all week—to show me his home and have me meet the people who helped shape him into the incredible man he is, so I really couldn’t say no.
“They’re going to love you. It doesn’t matter what you look like. And honestly, you look so fucking beautiful right now, like a peace has come over you.”
“I do feel more at peace,” I reply on a sigh. “But I also feel like my eyelids are halfway closed because they’re so swollen.”
“We won’t stay long. I just want them to meet you.” He lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. “They need to meet the woman I love before I introduce her to the world.”
“You still sure about that?”
“Positive. I finally get to claim you as mine, Penelope Klein. I’m getting hard just thinking about it.”