I asked one of them why he was smiling at me. His answer stopped me cold.
“The commander has waited longer than any of us for a mate. You are a gift from the gods, a promise for the rest of us.”
A promise, huh? No pressure there.
And as for the commander? My mate? He definitely didn’t seem to think I was a gift. A burden maybe.
I caught Ronan watching me and tried to smile, but it felt like a weak attempt, and I knew my eyes were doing a shit job of hiding my disappointment.
This was not a fantasy with a happily-ever-after. This was blood and war. And I’d dropped naked right into the middle of it.
7
Commander Karter, Battleship Karter, Personal Quarters, One Hour Later
* * *
In all my young, foolish imaginings, never had I envisioned this. Nor in my wiser, older years.
Ronan was here, alive, and cradled in his arms as we entered my private quarters was my mate. Our mate, half naked and covered in the blood of others, with a smile on her face. Her arms were around his bare neck as he teased her—his mouth close to her ear—about something I could not hear.
That was what a worthy female needed. Teasing. Smiles. A gentle heart and patience from her males.
I was neither gentle nor patient, and the moment I placed the mating collar around both of their necks they would know the chaos of my mind. The heavy ache of responsibility I felt toward every warrior and civilian under my command, my heartache at losing such a close friend in Commander Varsten, the crushing weight of knowing I would always have to choose my people over myself—over her. The burdens I carried lay heavy as death inside me, required a cold, calculated response. That coldness should never touch something so beautiful as my mate.
I had no qualms about taking her body, giving her pleasure, protecting her to the best of my ability. But I would not burden her with the weight I carried, the weight of guilt and sacrifice that command brought. I ordered honorable warriors to their deaths. I made decisions that tore my soul into pieces with no hope nor desire of repair. My burdens would not be hers. My collar would never go around her neck. She was too fragile and soft, too feminine and light to be marred by my darkness.
I was not a soldier or a pilot who could dedicate himself to his mate with no other worry or concern. I was a commander, my first and primary responsibility to protect those who served me. Always. Mate or no mate.
Perhaps she’d learned a hint of it upon her unexpected arrival, transported into the very heart of a disaster. Wounded everywhere. An unplanned way for her to learn the way of things. The order of priorities in my life.
Seeing Erica’s beautiful smile, the innocent happiness shining from her eyes, I knew I should walk away and spare her the torment of being mine. But even in that, I failed.
I could not let her go, not now that I’d seen her. So had several fighters in the transport room when she arrived… which flared what I’d considered non-existent protective mating instincts into a raging fire. How dare anyone see her body but her mate and her second? I thought of the claiming ceremony, how it would be witnessed by many, and ground my teeth.
I was torn. I shouldn’t keep her, but I wanted no one else to have her. I was too weak to do the right thing, and that fact was like acid in my system, eating me alive from the inside out, making it impossible for me to touch her at all. If I touched her, I’d be lost. Just looking at her was making rational choice impossible.
Perhaps, if I could find the courage and strength to leave now…
“We need to get you cleaned up, female. I do not like seeing my mate covered in blood.” Ronan nuzzled her cheek with his nose and walked toward the bathing room as she sighed with contentment and relaxed in his arms.
He seemed to have no issues whatsoever. Perhaps being dead for five years changed one’s perspective.
“Okay.” Just like that, she agreed. Why wouldn’t she? She’d volunteered to be here.
Gods be damned. Soon the sound of water would come on. Then Ronan’s uniform shirt she wore would hit the floor and our mate would be naked under the water. Wet. Warm.
She was receptive. I’d seen the look in her eyes upon her arrival. The way her nipples had been pebbled, her cheeks flushed, as if she’d been instantly attracted. She wanted us, approved of our appearance. There had been desire in her eyes when she looked upon me.
I had no business claiming a female when there were so many other worthy warriors who had sacrificed everything to shield our home world and all the worlds under Coalition protection. The list of those who had been tested and waited was long. Why me? Why now?
Ronan and Erica disappeared inside the bathing room, but Ronan did not close the door, his intention clear. I could practically hear him chastising me, Get your ass in here, idiot. Now!
Instead, I heard him yell. “Bring that box on the bed when you come in, Kaed.”
Box?
Turning slowly, I saw a small, rectangular box sitting atop my bed. With a frown, I walked to inspect it. ATB-Earth was written on the side.