So soft. Softer than anything I’d imagined. “Why did you decide to be a bride?”
She opened her eyes and looked at me, her gaze locking with mine for the first time since her arrival, and I felt flayed to the bone. Bare. More naked than I’d ever been in my existence.
“I was tired of fighting.”
“Fighting what or whom? Name them and I will destroy them for you.” The offer was not made in jest, and she shook her head.
I was damaged, mentally rigid. I’d survived by becoming harsh, by locking emotion away until I felt nothing. I’d had an innocent heart, had loved the wildness in my mother and imagined that my mate would be exactly like her when I grew into a warrior. Her death, the deaths of my fathers had taken me from a perfect world to one of constant fear and struggle. I’d been an orphan in the training program. No visitors. No care packages from home. No holiday celebrations or words of encouragement when I’d needed them. I had learned to rely on myself and closed off all feelings. I’d vowed never to be so vulnerable again, never to allow sentiment to overcome sense. I adopted the life of a warrior and a doctor and embraced the steady, reliable structure and protocols to make me strong. The Fleet, practicing medicine, created boundaries, gave me something to live by when I couldn’t even think. The Fleet had saved me, and I’d learned to crave order and stability. Duty. Schedules and protocols. That rigid structure had protected my sanity, and I would ensure it kept Mikki safe.
“Myself.” One look in her eyes and she sliced me open like a blade, my heart and soul bloody and scarred and barely beating. Fuck, I could feel. I could hope again. To have something, a connection, a bond. Love. A mate who brought me back from… nothing.
The collars were designed to help Prillon males please their mates, keep them happy. But in that moment they were giving her everything she needed to conquer me. I’d kept my past buried so deeply I tried not to think of my parents at all. But I’d never had the collars, never felt so exposed.
“Why would you be fighting yourself?” Trax asked, his voice quiet.
Instead of answering the question, she changed the subject. “I don’t want to talk about it now.”
“All right, mate, we will save that conversation for later. After you have been well pleasured.”
A spike of lust hit both Trax and me, and I saw his eyes darken in response. Our mate’s body was making demands, and I would see to her now.
While I was on my knees, I was still taller. Her dark eyes held so many things, but her emotions shifted too rapidly for me to understand what I should do next. Kiss her? Fuck her? Talk to her? She was a puzzle I had no idea how to solve.
I dropped the cloak again, baring myself to her once more. “You saw the integrations. You know I am not a perfect warrior.”
Her gaze searched my imperfections, traced the long lines of silver that were embedded in my skin.
“You got those from being a prisoner?”
I nodded.
She looked to Trax, but he made no attempt to remove his uniform shirt so she could see what the Hive had done to him. His integrations were completely different from mine, but no less shocking to look upon. As a doctor, I’d seen more of everyone’s integrations than most.
“I was a prisoner, too,” she offered. She’d chosen to share after all. “But not because I was a soldier. I broke the law. I went to jail. It was either spend ten years locked up in a prison cell or take a chance and come here.”
“You broke the laws of your planet,” I said, stiffening. This small female defied the laws of her world? I could not believe her capable of it. How the hell was I matched to someone who could do such a thing?
“See? You’re not happy. I knew this would happen if I told you the truth.” She tried to wriggle off Trax’s lap, but he wouldn’t allow it, his arms tightening to hold her in place.
It was my emotions she responded to. I had to tame them. “Mate, I live for rules. I don’t abide by breaking them. In the Coalition Fleet, it could lead to death, and not just your own. Tell us what you did.”
I had to know.
She sighed and rolled her head around on top of her neck, as if stretching the tight muscles I had felt beneath my palm would make speaking easier. “I blew holes in a couple of whaling ships.”
“What is this type of ship? We do not have them in the Coalition Fleet.” Trax pulled her back against his chest, and I rubbed her soft shoulder with my thumb. Gently. It appeared she had forgotten I was touching her. I had no intention of reminding her and risking rejection.
“It’s an Earth ship, made to sail on water, not a spaceship. They use the ships to hunt and kill whales. They are peaceful animals that have been hunted to the brink of extinction. I could not allow that to happen. There was no one on board the ship. My intention was to damage the ship, not to hurt anyone.”
Her words came out in a rush, as if she’d held them in for so long that they all fell out at once.
“You were defending the weak from those who would harm them?” Trax asked.
She shrugged. “In a way, yes. The whales can’t fight back. They don’t have weapons. It’s not a fair fight. I had to try to save them.”
“I do not know these whales.”
“They are animals that live in water. Beneath it. They do not have arms or legs, only fins. They are large, larger than your quarters. They are gentle, beautiful creatures.”