I was still laughing when the shuttle crew's transmission reached me. “Lily, we have received and verified your course. Plus shut down communications and proceed with booster fire.”
“Confirmed. Going dark.” I had to appear to be a piece of rock, space junk, and nothing more or the Dark Fleet Cruiser’s defense systems would obliterate me before I even got close.
“Good luck.”
“You, too.”
I instructed Tor to shut down all non-essential systems, scanners, targeting, communications. Everything but navigation and life support. “Two minute booster burn in three, two, one...burn.”
The slight increase in heat around my legs and the internal sound of the booster firing were the only things that registered. I was in a black, lifeless void. I had no sense of time or place. Nothing to look at or study or feel. I didn’t feel real.
Watching the timer and the booster fuel readouts kept me sane as time became oddly abstract. I wasn’t normally one to suffer from claustrophobia, but my heart rate picked up and the air inside the Titan was suddenly much too hot.
Seconds later the boosters shut down and the standard temperature returned to the cockpit.
“You may speak, Tor.”
“Of course.”
I tried not to smile and failed. “How long until we arrive at the Cruiser?”
“At current speed, three hours, twenty-two minutes and sixteen seconds.”
Trapped in a tin can, shooting through space with massive bombs strapped to my Titan’s body was more of a mental challenge than I’d expected. Damn it.
“Tor, have you ever heard of chess?”
“One moment.”
I waited as he searched his onboard database. He wasn’t allowed to contact any of Velerion’s communications or data systems either.
“I have references to chess as a game played on Earth. However, I have no other information.”
“Of course...not.” Take that.
“Would you like to play a game to pass the time?”
“God yes. And please turn off my video. Do you have something else I can look at? Plants or flowers or people? Anything but empty, black space?”
“Of course.”
This time I sighed with relief at his two word response. Felt like I could breathe when photos I assumed were from the surface of Velerion began to fade in and out on my monitors. Children playing, mostly. Which was perfect. “Thank you.”
“The game of Tabula is popular on Velerion. Would you like me to teach you how to play?”
“Of course.” Was I being cheeky? No. Not me. Never.
Tor placed an electronic board on my screen and proceeded to explain a game very similar to backgammon.
We played for hours. Tabula. Another game similar to chess with an odd name.
I didn’t win once. But I also didn’t hyperventilate thinking about the fact that I was a speck of space dust on a suicide mission. So, I considered that a win.
Nothing, however, could keep my mind off Darius. He’d appeared at the mission briefing today, sat in the back and didn’t interfere or approach me. Which was, technically, a victory, as he was respecting my desire not to speak to him. But winning had never felt more like losing. Worse, I couldn’t shut down the memories. His touch. The sound of his voice. The way he smelled. His smile. The way I felt as my body exploded when he was inside me.
Every time I thought of him, I hurt. My heart. My soul. Every cell in my body. So why couldn’t I just stop? Why didn’t I want to stop?
“Because you love him, you idiot. You fell in love with him and pissed the whole situation.”