Rufus nudges my hand and I look down at him. ‘This was my room, buddy, once upon a time.’
I twist the knob and push the door open. The hinges protest as if they haven’t been used in years, and inside the daylight is dimmed by the thin drapes that are drawn across the window. Dust sheets cover the furniture, the bunk beds are stripped, and the walls... The walls are still covered in the same pink and white wallpaper, depicting flamingos and clouds.
For a moment I just stand there, taking it all in. Edward’s right—it needs work. The damp is worse here, building around the windows, in the corners, and there’s a certain chill in the air... But none of it detracts from the memories. I can still hear the laughter in the walls. Still imagine the kids running around and me trying to mind my own business, my head in a travel book, dreaming of the adventures I would one day experience.
‘And I got to go on those adventures,’ I say, looking down at Rufus, who cocks his head at me. ‘Lucky me, hey?’
But as I stand in the room I once planned my future in I can’t shift the feeling that something went wrong. Because the sense of achievement, of fulfilment, never came. All those adventures...all those things on my bucket list...and not once did I feel at peace. Happy. Content.
Katherine’s letter haunts me...her warning too...
I worry that if you’re not careful life will pass you by and you will never pause long enough to feel what it is to be content, to be happy, to be loved...
But maybe I’m broken. Maybe fulfilment is something that will always feel out of reach for me. Or maybe I just haven’t experienced enough yet.
Or maybe Katherine is right. Because you felt pretty content when you were in Edward’s arms last night, didn’t you?
I gulp the thought down. I won’t accept it. I don’t need another human being to feel happy and fulfilled. The only person who can give me that is myself.
‘Isn’t that right, Rufus?’
A bark. Definite agreement.
And getting started on Katherine’s legacy is sure to be a step in the right direction.
‘Come on, buddy. I have charities to speak to, fundraising events to organise, and I know just where to start...’
I stride back to my new bedroom and take up the photograph of me and Katherine, the two of us surrounded by preparations for the Halloween Fairy Tale Ball.
The thirty-first of October is a month away... It’s possible to pull off a ball in that time, surely?
‘Anything’s possible if you set your mind to it, Summer.’
Katherine’s soft voice wraps around me, encourages me.
‘What do you reckon, Rufus? I’ve got this, right?’
His bark is more of a whine-cum-groan, and his eyes peeping through his heavy eyebrows are far too sceptical, reminding me of Edward and his cautionary tone...
‘It’s an idea. Though it’s a lot of work...organising such affairs, I mean.’
And if ever I needed added motivation, that was it, right there.