Chapter Ten
Cris
Benji texts me the next morning to let me know he has a “thing” across town I didn’t know about, and that he’ll be back late morning. Fine by me. It’s not like I was looking forward to bumping into him in the office and explaining my bizarro reaction yesterday.
Rather than drive straight to the office, I swing by Grand Marin, which is nowhere near on the way to Benji’s, but the coffee and muffin joint there is calling to me. I plan on indulging in a triple chocolate with chocolate chunks muffin plus a matcha latte. And maybe I’ll buy an extra muffin to indulge in later this afternoon. This is shaping up to be a week of indulgence and it’s only Tuesday.
Bakery bag in hand, I’m sipping on my latte and wondering if I should drop in on Vivian. I decide that’s not the best idea. Not that she wouldn’t be supportive. She’d probably throw me a party. I’m not ready to tell her—to tell anyone. This secret is mine, all mine. Well, and Benji’s. It’s precious. Special. Now a memory, but a really friggin’ good one.
He kissed me and then my breasts, and in the span of a few minutes—if that—I was shouting my release and riding his hand. I feel my face heat, my body responding as the memory of yesterday loops in my head. Truth? I’ve been reliving it since it happened. At home I zoned out during dinner, staring at the TV without seeing the screen, and then later I lay wide awake in bed. I replayed how his tongue felt on my nipples. The way his finger felt moving inside me.
It was a totally new experience with exactly the right person.
Aware I’m grinning like a moron, I lose the smile and shake the thoughts out of my mind. I’m determined to shore up today. To be professional and focused on work. The last thing I need is to complicate the one uncomplicated relationship in my life.
Benji is easy, and if I didn’t think so before, I know so now. He had my shirt off and his hands in my pants and was A-okay letting me bolt from my office. He didn’t chase me or insist on dinner. He didn’t act like it was strange or awkward to give his best friend an orgasm on the guest couch in her office, so I’m not going to act that way either.
He gave me what I wanted. Little did I know when I was joking with Vivian on the phone I was placing an order he would happily fulfill.
That perfect, blissful moment was ruined when I spotted Trish’s name on the screen of his ringing phone. I shouldn’t have let her call ruin everything, but down deep, it hurt. I didn’t know they were back in touch, which means he’s kept that information from me. I also didn’t miss the spark of apology in his brown eyes when he noticed I saw her name.
That said, he doesn’t owe me anything, not even an explanation. He didn’t promise me anything other than what he gave me. It was a gift he offered, one I accepted, and that should be enough. He didn’t expect anything in return. All I have to do is convince my body we are moving on, because parts of me want more.
Throbbing, neglected parts.
I take a different street so as not to pass Vivian’s office—no way am I laying this out for her while she’s at work. I’ll wait until a girls’ night out when we both have cosmopolitans the size of our heads in front of us on the bar top. I turn the corner where a nail salon sits next to a posh boutique selling accessories. Maybe I’ll pop in and buy myself something nice. I’m not much of an accessory person, but I do like the occasional ring or purse—
The thought freezes in my brain like I stepped into a subzero chamber. And like the cold sucked the oxygen from my lungs, for a second I can’t breathe.
It’s Benji, as in Benjamin Owen, standing on the sidewalk in a walkway between storefronts. In the shadows, he’s talking closely with a tall, leggy blonde I know well. Patricia, better known as Trish, better known as his longest relationship. Not only did she call yesterday, they evidently arranged to meet. And here they are.
Meeting.
I back around the corner from whence I came and hide behind a small decorative tree. It isn’t concealing me completely, but Benji isn’t looking anywhere but at Trish. She looks sad. Her shoulders are hunched. While I watch, he pulls her into his arms, hugging her as he places a kiss on her temple. Her face screws into pleats as she wraps her arms around his waist.
My stomach sours. My heart aches. I look down at the bakery bag holding two fat chocolate muffins. I’ve lost my appetite. I come out from behind the tree and toss the bag into the nearest trashcan, throwing one final look over my shoulder. I don’t know why I do it. Seeing him with Trish is sheer torture. If he kisses her, I might throw up.
As if he feels me watching, he turns his head. He scowls as a flash of blond hair vanishes behind a door bisecting the alley. She must work in that building. He dips his chin, giving me a stern look before checking for traffic and jogging over to me.
I can either run away or stand here and listen while he tries to make me feel better about what I just witnessed. Instead, I smile and pretend like the chill seeping into my bones doesn’t exist.
“Hey! This is a surprise!” I say cheerily. He’s still scowling when he comes to a stop in front of me. “I should have listened to my first instinct and bought two matchas. Here you are, and I only have the one.” I elevate my cup. “I can go back and pick one up for you. I know you like coffee better than matcha, though. Would you prefer a cappuccino?”
“What are you doing here?” he interrupts my inane, and possibly insane, monologue.
“Matcha latte.” I hold up my cup. “What about you?” My tone loses some of its chirp.
“I know you saw me with Trish.”
Crap. This is the problem with lying to your best friend. They can tell you’re doing it.
“Is that who that was?” What can I say, I’m committed to my path.
“You know it was. She—”
“You don’t have to explain.” The sad part is, I mean it. I don’t want him to break up with me when we aren’t dating. I don’t want to see the pity in his eyes when he tries to let me down easy. “You and Trish were close. As close as I’ve ever seen you to anyone.” It’s miserable to admit but no less true. Worse, I remember vividly how she had his undivided attention when they dated. She’s smart, savvy. Fun. “I imagine it’d be easy to fall in with her again given you broke up so recently.”
“Six months ago.” His expression is unreadable.