Fuck. Could he do that? It had only been a day. They were calling me already? That didn’t seem right.
I itched to delete the message, and pretend I hadn’t heard it. Instead, I saved it in case I needed it later.
“Hi, Mercedes.” The next message started off more chipper. “I represent Mr. Watanabe’s office. Due to recent events, we’re no longer able to meet with you to discuss employment.”
Bile rose in my throat, and that message got an instant delete. It was regarding one of the interviews I had lined up for costume designer. I had half a dozen others, though. One down wasn’t a big deal.
Email was next. Make that three down, thanks to another two cancellations waiting for me. Why were all these people working on a Saturday. Couldn’t they wait until Monday, or maybe after Christmas, to band together to crush my dreams?
Lyn’s cafe was packed, and that was nice to see. Not a lot of people gaming, but dozens were buying snacks and trinkets. If she could keep up even half this pace after the holidays, she’d be on track to recover more quickly, financially.
I tried to throw myself into working the register and chatting up customers, but my smile was painted on, and I couldn’t keep my thoughts from straying toward Jax, Grayson, and my deteriorating future.
When Grayson called, a spark of hope flashed inside. I was in the middle of helping a woman decide between the Minecraft and Pokémon bento box for her son, so I couldn’t answer. The instant I was free, I pulled up his message.
“Hey.” His voice was flat. “Grabbed your car this morning. Tire’s fixed. Let me know when I can drop it off.” He had a spare key, the same way Anne did, for when I locked my own keys in the car.
Guilt and gratitude churned inside. My flat was so far down on my list of concerns today, I’d almost forgotten about it. And he’d gone out of his way to make sure I was set, despite last night’s disagreement.
Calling him back would have to wait, but I did send him a quickthank youtext.
The rest of the day passed without a response. I was painfully grateful when Lyn ushered out the last customer and locked the door behind them.
She grabbed my arm, and pulled me back into the cafe kitchen. “Where were you today?” Her voice was kind as she ushered me into a chair.
“Nowhere. Everywhere.” Still uncertain where to start.
Anne joined us. “Something happened with Jax and Grayson last night.”
I wasn’t upset with her for saying so. It was as good an opener as any.
“I’m guessing this wasn’t the sexy kind ofsomething.” Lyn moved around the kitchen as she spoke, pulling plates from one spot, and pastries from another. “You know if you don’t talk through it, you’re going to drive yourself nuts.” She knew me well.
I picked at the cheese Danish she put in front of me, and at a loose thread of last night’s conversation. The story tumbled out in a rapid-fire mess of emotion. As I reached the end, the relief I wanted wasn’t there. “Was this my fault?” It seemed like it from an outside perspective.
“You can’t change how you feel about the situation, just because they feel differently,” Anne said.
Lyn tapped a nail on the edge of her plate. “I’m with her. If loving two people that way isn’t for you, then it isn’t for you.”
Confirmation. Agreement. I still didn’t know if I was in the right.
“This is making you miserable, though.” Anne was sympathetic.
“It’s like one of you being mad at me. It sucks.” At least that was an easy emotion for me to zero in on. “Jax and I... that’s always been weird. But Grayson... I fucked things up because I fucked them. I want to go back to the way things were, but I’ll always be thinking about... them.”
“You fantasize about them anyway.” Anne’s food sat untouched in front of her.
In fact, except for the tiny flakes I’d taken from mine, none of us were eating. I took a big bite of the pastry. As the sugar hit my tongue, my stomach grumbled for me. Maybe I should have consumed something besides coffee between popcorn and now. In a few bites, my dessert was gone. My problems... not so much. “But now I have reality to compare it to.”
“Unless the reality was bad, that makes the fantasies that much more vivid. Do you want to make things right with them, as friends?” Lyn slid me her Danish.
I should have insisted she eat it. It wasn’t as though it was the last one in the kitchen, though. I consumed it more slowly. “No.” Maybe. I didn’t know.
“Then there’s your answer.” Lyn made things sound simple.
Anne shook her head. “It’s not that easy.”
But it had to be. I needed to pick a direction and head that way. Not having a clear path of where to go next was adding mountains to my misery. “I need to call them. Or... head over there.” I didn’t want to do this over the phone, and I could pick up my car. I looked at Anne. “Drop me off?”