“She was insane. It’s not the same. I’m still not getting it.”
Because Amanda was just the girl he’d been fucking. Riley was the entire other half of his universe. “I couldn’t talk to her the way I talk to you. I tried a couple times. I guess it felt like... I was betraying you.”
She closed her eyes, a soft smile playing on her lips. “You were together for so long.”
It was true. “She asked me to marry her, not the other way around.”
Riley sat up and turned to look at him in shock. “Seriously?”
“There was always something missing there. I think she hoped marriage would fix it.” The same thing Archer had said.
Riley shook her head. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“I know that now, but back then... Let me put it this way—why did you think people were going to hate you when they found out you turned Archer down?”
Suddenly her body wasn’t molded to his anymore. Her spine went rigid. “At least one person does.”
He moved a hand to the back of Riley’s neck, to rub lightly. “Their opinions aren’t worth shit.” She relaxed under the attention. Or maybe it was the words. He wasn’t sure. “That’s my point. It’s what we’re told people do. Right? They date for a while, and as long as they get along, they get married. Everyone expects it. She and I had been together for years. I figured it was the next step.”
Riley leaned back into him again. “Except there was something missing.” He didn’t know if she was talking about him and Amanda or her and Archer. “Getting along, nice qualities... they don’t really mean anything if the two of you don’t click. I mean, maybe I’m just a cynical romantic, but I’d rather go without, than tie myself to someone I don’t have that spark with.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist again and rested his cheek against hers. “Yeah, me too.”
“About Sabrina...” She trailed off.
Where had that come from? He tried to keep his tone light and his posture casual. “What about her?”
“I guess it’s none of my business, and I probably don’t want to know the answer, but since I’m wondering and we’re being open, I’m going to ask anyway.”
He frowned, glad she couldn’t see it. What was she getting at?
She shuddered. “Do you have a similar agreement with her that you do with me?”
The line of conversation made less and less sense the deeper it dove. “I don’t have anything with her, let alone something even close to what you and I have.” Speaking the words sent a sharp spike of heat through him. They hit so close to home, and at the same time seemed woefully inadequate to the love he had for Riley.
“So this afternoon was just a tumble because you were bored?”
It took him a moment to process what she said, and when he did, he almost choked. “This afternoon was her telling me I was stupid for turning down the CIA job. There was notumble. Did she tell you that?”
“Yes.” Riley’s answer was almost lost among the exaggeratedbogusesin the background.
That explained why Riley seemed removed and on edge. Or he hoped it did. “I swear on all I hold dear, I haven’t done anything with her or even thought about it for ages.”
She sagged against him, but her neck was still straight, rigid. “The guy who fantasizes about every attractive woman he knows isn’t even thinking aboutitin regards toher.”
A smile leaked out at the dry teasing. “Most guys do that. Besides, not every woman—just you and a couple of movie stars, and honestly... really only you since we started fooling around.”
“I have a hard time buying that.”
He brushed his lips over the outside edge of her ear. Relief flooded him when she sighed and relaxed further instead of pulling away. “You can be a pretty all-consuming thought. I mean that in the best way possible.”
When she shifted her weight and rubbed her back against him, it called to the lust he’d tried to beat back since she turned him down. Apparently his dick wasn’t listening.
She trailed her fingers lightly down his forearms and then back up again. “You’re just saying that to get laid.”
A small laugh shook his frame. “I’m saying it because it’s true.” His mouth hovered millimeters from the curve where her neck met her shoulder, the soft melon scent of her shampoo searing his veins with need. Maybe this was what he needed, to let go. Guilt and regret surged back, taunting him, reminding him he hadn’t earned that privilege.