“You know what? Let’s go watch It’s a Wonderful Life.”
“You told Mom you hate that movie.”
He did. It was sappy and sugary and everything he usually wanted to avoid thinking about. “I exaggerated.”
“You do that a lot. But okay.” They finished, put the box back in its closet, and settled on the couch, to watch TV.
Next thing Andrew knew, someone was shaking him awake. “Come on. It’s present time,” Lucas said.
Andrew forced his eyes open, to find a clock. “It’s five in the morning.”
“Welcome to parenthood.” Kandace sat in the chair across from him, a dry smile on her face.
For a while, Andrew watched them open presents, until a pile of colored paper littered the floor, replacing the pretty boxes that had been under the tree. He enjoyed watching every single minute of it. A year ago, he wouldn’t have thought this possible.
The scene wasn’t complete, though. A longing he refused to name chomped behind his ribs, begging for attention. How long until that feeling faded?
By ten, Lucas was asleep again, curled up in in a different chair, wrapped in a new bathrobe, and hugging the toy he insisted he was too old for.
“I’m going out for a little bit.” Andrew needed to clear his head. See if he could shake this lingering… whatever.
“Dinner’s at four.”
“Got it. I’ll be back.”
He didn’t know where he was headed, but the lack of traffic in town was nice. The occasional car passed on a cross street, and that was it. There were a few more vehicles on the freeway, heading into the mountains. People coming or going over the pass, to see family.
Mercy and Ian’s home was only a few blocks away. Andrew’s brain screamed for him to turn around and go back to Kandace’s. His brain hadn’t been his best ally lately. Maybe it was time he let his heart have a say. He pointed the SUV toward their place.
No cars sat in the driveway, but they were most likely in the garage. He steeled himself to have the door slammed in his face, and made his way to the house. Christmas lights twinkled through slits in the curtains, but no other light or movement caught his eye. He knocked and waited.
Then he rang the bell.
Then hammered the side of his fist against the door.
They might be avoiding him, but it wasn’t like Mercy or Ian. No one was home. The acceptance filled him with a heavy disappointment. Now what?
Get in the car and drive again. It was better than sitting on the front porch of an empty home, freezing his ass off.
He didn’t realize what his destination was, until he turned down a familiar side street. It led to the clearing where he took Susan the other day. Had it been two weeks? It seemed so long ago.
Someone had beaten him there. A familiar battered Honda sat near the tree line. It was Mercy’s car, but the woman standing near the guardrail—blue hair barely brushing her ears, with dark roots showing through—definitely wasn’t Mercy.
Susan.
His heart slammed into his ribs, thudding so hard it rattled his skull. This was either his second chance or fate’s way of fucking with him a little more before it ripped him apart. He hesitated. Could he do this? He had to. He didn’t deserve another chance to make things good with her, but he wasn’t going to waste it.
Susan didn’t move when he pulled in. Didn’t look up when he parked. Kept her gaze fixed on whatever held her attention when he got out of the SUV.
Please, God, let me get this right.
*
Susan was lost in thought. Spending Christmas with Mercy for the first time in ten years was wonderful. Mercy tried one more time to get Susan to join them at Liz’s, but Susan wasn’t part of that circle. It didn’t feel right to join in. It hurt to not have the rest of the family here, but not so much she could forgive what Dad said. She’d called her brothers and sister, and all made it clear she wasn’t welcome in their lives or around their children. After the way they treated Mercy, Susan wasn’t surprised, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.
And she wasn’t going to call Andrew, as much as she wanted to. Did she have a problem with him seeing other people if they dated? She’d picked it all apart until her mind chased in circles. She loved his stories. Hearing about the things he’d done was a massive turn-on. Seeing it might not be the same. There was no jealousy over his past, but there was a little envy she hadn’t experienced those things. She didn’t care he’d gone and picked up Rissa; it bothered her that he kept it a secret. That it happened the same night he turned Susan down. That he used it as an excuse to push her away instead of owning up to his real feelings.
All that pondering brought her back here, in spite of herself. She was vaguely aware of the tires crunching behind her and a car door opening and closing, but her thoughts had greater hold of her than the world around her did.